#CaptureYourGrief - Day 9: In Memory

Carly Marie wrote the following:

"There is such a deep-rooted yearning that we feel when our beloved children die. This yearning hurts but it also inspires us to get creative to do something in memory of our children."

What have I done in memory of Preston?  For starters, I was so thankful that we were able to bring our baby boy home, when he was born early, and so small.  As got bigger and started wearing newborn sized onesies and other little outfits, I donated the preemie clothes to the Sky Ridge Medical Center NICU.  That's where he was born.  That's where they took care of him, and me.  I was thankful. I still am.  And while part of me wishes I still had some of those onesies to look at, to hug and kiss, I'm still happy with the decision I made to give them away.  Other families need them.  Other babies will have preemies, and having a little piece of Preston being out there to help them, brings a smile to my face.

I created this blog to honor my little boy.  I didn't anticipate it being a blog where I write a post almost every day.  I wanted to write something that would help others.  Something that would show other grieving parents that there is room for optimism, smiles and happiness.  That even when you are in a better place, anger, guilt, sadness is totally okay for you to feel.  Grief is a roller coaster.  I think that with the support of a grieving community, the free falls that we feel from this roller coaster can be made to be less steep.  That community - blogs, forums, support groups, loved ones.

The goal of my blog is not only to share my journey, but to share what happiness Preston brought to my life, and still manages to bring to my life.  It was strange - during our vacation - I didn't really see any clear sign from Preston.  No rainbows or bunnies.  On the plane ride home though, the clouds were bright pink.  Not that this was a color that I associate with Preston, but the beauty that radiated from those clouds as we flew through them... I don't know I just felt peaceful.  I felt hope - that really, I'd see him again. 

I also have Preston's Garden, a garden his dad built for me, a garden where I grew herbs and vegetables.  A garden I would have liked to plant and care for with Preston.  A garden that could have fed him yumminess.  Instead, Preston's Garden taught me that there is hope.  I was able to grow vegetables when I'm usually really bad at manual labor type tasks.  Preston's Garden has taught me nurturing because it takes a lot of care to grow a garden, and it's great to be able to enjoy the own fruit of your labor. :)

Lastly, I'm hoping that #SpreadHappinessForPreston is a successful event which makes it so that November 19th of every year, is one of the happiest days every year.  I hope that many participate.  I hope, that somehow, someway, my little boy can make a difference.  I had cards made (pictured above) to hand out as happiness is spread on 11/19.  If you would be interested in my sending you some, please email me: tsunaze1@gmail.com and let me know how many you would like.  I encourage you to request 5, to share with families and/or friends and try and really make November 19th, a special day.  Not only for Preston, or for me, but for the world.