#CaptureYourGrief - Day 23: Inspiration

"Living an inspired life is one of the greatest things you could ever do. Waking up feeling excited about my day is something that I never imagined would happen after our son died, but it did. I know today’s subject will not resonate with some people as the thought of waking up feeling inspired to be alive is one of the last things you are feeling. So if you feel you cannot take part today, maybe just have a look at what others are saying. It is my hope that this post might inspire some feelings in your own heart to start searching for some inspiration for your own life. "

This was the caption from Carly Marie's #CaptureYourGrief for day 23.  I felt that it was important to quote this, because, I like many bereaved parents am not excited to wake up every morning.  I don't feel a lot of excitement toward life, nor have I for more than half of 2014.  This does not mean though, that I don't have any inspiration, and that I don't want to live an inspired life.  Quite the contrary.  I'm just not quite where Carly Marie is.  I'm pretty sure that she is 7 years out from losing her son; I am 7 months out.  Perhaps this excitement for life will return once we have children to hold.  Or perhaps just with time.

In the meantime, I can in all honesty say that Preston, my sweet P, is definitely a source of inspiration for me.  He inspires me to share my journey with others - parents who might be living through a loss similar as mine, or one that isn't similar at all.  But remember, all losses are important and cannot be compared.  Perhaps my journey can also help others, who haven't lost a child, but who are dealing with intense struggles, like the loss of a parent or friend, living with a chronic illness like I do, dealing with depression, or just going through a difficult time in their life.  Whoever you are that is reading this post, some of my posts, all of my posts - I hope that you are able to take something away from my journey.  Because while writing this blog is extremely healing and releasing for me, its premise is to spread happiness to honor my son.  It's goal is to touch the lives of others, and help them along the way.  And all that, was inspired by Preston, my sweet little boy gone too soon.

His smile was incredibly contagious.  I seriously could spend all day trying to make him smile, not that it was incredibly difficult once he figured it out.  It filled my heart with happiness, and every time he'd grace me with a smile, it felt like I was seeing it for the first time.  Magical.  I had the courage to watch all his videos yesterday, and it was difficult, I won't lie.  So close like he was within reach, yet so far never to be held again.  At the same time, it did me some good.  It was fabulous to see his smile, and it gave me the courage to go about my day.

Having the drive to do anything can be difficult.  Motivation is hard to find when you've lost something so precious.  I've learned that no matter what though, you just have to keep going.  The clocks don't stop ticking.  The world doesn't stop turning.  The wind doesn't stop blowing.  Finding that inspiration that Preston has given me, has been the greatest gift since losing him.  Finding the little things that might make me smile and sharing them with the world, makes me feel like there's always something to look forward to, eventually.  Finding a way to smile, laugh every day, makes each day, a little easier.  And sure guilt will poke it's nasty head as you laugh, and smile, but know that you shouldn't let it overtake you.  You are a survivor, and you have every right in the world to share a laugh, and smile your heart away.  Just like my little boy was a fighter, fighting his way to come home from the hospital, fighting his way to catch up in weight and size for little boys his age.  Everyone has that fight in them.  And even if you stand alone, that's okay.  Keep fighting.  What are you fighting for?  I'm fighting for a happier world, to honor my son, Preston, Prince of Smiles.