The object of day 16 of Carly Marie's #CaptureYourGrief project was to take the day to do something for yourself since October 15th can be very emotional for parents who have lost a child. I felt rather peaceful on October 15th, and didn't really take the day to do anything for myself - at least nothing out of the ordinary.
I try to be kind to myself as much as possible. This journey has taught me that my emotions are going to come out when they need to. I don't feel like I'm holding everything in. Maybe I did at some point, but I don't feel like falling apart at the drop of a hat.
I was looking through passages from my blog today, trying to find some passages that I thought might help a friend. I re-read Another Month Goes By, Fading Laughter, Happy Thoughts/Moments and Fog. Quite honestly, it made me realize how far I've come in a short few months. It showed me that sometimes, I need to go back and read these, because I need to take my own advice. I lived in a fog for several weeks, perhaps more because I don't remember writing everything I have. I may live in a fog again, as Preston's birthday approaches, as the holidays loom. Sometimes, I still need to slow down, and appreciate the small things in life.
More importantly, going through these entries, made me realize that I have a retreat. I retreat almost every day into my blog. I put my thoughts, emotions to virtual paper. I don't feel judged. I don't feel like I need to hold back. It's a time for me. A special time to think about Preston, even if I thought of him throughout the day. It gives me a time to fall apart if I need to, but also a place to share the happy things that may happen. And right now, I'm happy with the interest people have had with the #SpreadHappinessForPreston event.
Thank you for letting me share my journey with you. Thank you for not judging me. I hope that I am able to touch your soul, heart and life. I hope that you sometimes take something away from my experiences and thoughts.
