I've always loved reading. When I was younger, it was series like "The Babysitters Club", and "Sweet Valley High". I enjoyed the random Agatha Christie novel which led me to take a liking for the suspense genre. Mysteries, enigmas, crime. And justice. I can't say that any of the books I read ended with the bad guy getting away. Without resolve. Maybe that's why I haven't really picked up a book since Preston's passing. There's no answer to the injustice of losing my child. There's no why.. how does that even work?
I've received several books regarding loss, grief, and finding ways to cope. From co-workers, from my parents. Maybe I even received "Heaven is for Real" from my parents before we lost Preston. I didn't have the heart to read it before, and I still don't have the heart to read it. I'll get there one day. I know I will. That time, just isn't now.
I haven't picked up a book, but I did try to read one, through Amazon's Kindle app on my phone, as I ride the train. I've just found it hard to get into. The book is called "Saving Grace", but Pamela Fagan Hutchins. It's about a woman who loses her parents to an accident while they are vacationing in the Caribbean. She goes on a journey to that same island, to find peace in their passing, but becomes increasingly suspicious that what happened to them was more than just an accident. I wanted to slowly get back into reading. I wanted something that wasn't so much related to losing a child, but still dealt with loss. I started the book 2 months ago and I'm not even half way through, so I guess I have a ways to go still, until I'm able to get back into reading whether it be about grief, loss or suspense. One day at a time.
I have however read a lot about loss, grief, losing a child, coping, other people's experiences. I've found a lot of blogs that I've really been able to relate too. I feel like I've forged friendships with these other bereaved parents. People I would have never met, if not for Preston. And really, while I would prefer that we all have our babies, alive and kicking than to know these individuals, I'm really thankful that Preston and their little ones, have joined our paths together. My journey would be very different, if not for Krystal, Nora, Rachel, Sarah, and Melissa. There are many that I've read, and continue to read, but these have been the ones that have kept me going. And while I consider you friends, thanks to the gift of reading, I hope you do as well. I wish nothing more for us to not have crossed paths because of the reason we did, but, know that I'm eternally grateful.
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