#CaptureYourGrief - Day 7: Sacred Place

I can't say I have a sacred place where I feel like I'm closer to Preston.  Maybe Preston's Garden, but I haven't spent that much time on the garden, and usually, when I'm doing so, I'm not actually thinking of Preston.  I'm tending to the branches that need to be trimmed, weeds that need to be plucked and vegetables that need to be harvested.

It's hard to pinpoint a place where I feel closer to him because I think about him everywhere.  When I'm driving, when I'm walking, when I'm at work, at home - in the family room, kitchen, bedroom.  I suppose if any room was to be his sacred place it would be his nursery, though he spent more time in the living room and our bedroom in a bassinet.  It's still really hard to go into his bedroom, so I can't say that in this moment, it feels like our sacred place.  Seven months later, the door remains closed 99% of the time.

I do feel pretty close to him when we go for a walk in the park where there's a lot of trees, wildflowers and birds.  Even around the neighborhood, as we see bunnies laying in the soft grass of neighboring lawns.  Over the last couple days, I've been blessed with a couple signs, which have made me feel like Preston is telling me, this trip I'm going on, it's okay to go.  He'll be with me even if his ashes stay at home.  I had two friends contact me out of the blue telling me they were thinking about Preston.  One last night, one tonight.  Paula, Liz - thank you!  On my way home, I saw two horizontal rainbows.  I've only ever seen that one other time, on the train in April.  I tried to capture it with my phone again, and the same result, it just looks like a beam of light in the sky.  But they were there, two horizontal rainbows on either sides of the setting sun.  Perhaps, it was a sign for me alone, a sign that is not for anyone else.  I went to the mailbox today, not something I do every day, and this bunny hopped into the street, long enough for me to notice him and then he hopped right back onto the lawn he had been chilling on.

Undeniably, I think I'll always find a way to think about Preston, and make him feel close to me, to my heart.  The signs always help, but I think about him regardless, every day.  I will for the rest of my life.  Hopefully one day, maybe I can have that sacred place where I feel it's really only me and Preston.