My first collage! I am really enjoying this "BeFunky" app on my phone. It's just a little difficult to get pictures from my Google photo library (say if I added a border, or played with the HDR) to my gallery, to BeFunky, back to my gallery and then back to my Google photos. If I don't play with the photo (like above), I can easily get it done though.
The topic for day 15 of Carly Marie's #CaptureYourGrief project is Community. On October 15th, a "Wave of Light" traveled the globe. This was to symbolize remembering our babies who have passed, and help create awareness. As we all well know, October is Breast Cancer awareness month. Rightfully so, we need to continue raising awareness, and finding a cure and better treatment for this horrible cancer that so many have succumbed to. I have several friends who have lost their mothers to this horrible monster. Less known, October is also Miscarriage and Infant Loss awareness month, with October 15th, being the Miscarriage and Infant Loss awareness day. And so, as a community, we lit our candles, remembered our babies, however big or small, and honored them by trying to spread more awareness.
I've lost both. I've had at least one miscarriage, and I lost an infant to SIDS. And while there are campaigns like "Back is Best" that have reduced the risk of SIDS, there is still no way to prevent it. We do not understand what it is that makes babies stop breathing while they are sleeping, with no hope to be woken up. There are a lot of theories, and honestly, they are all frustrating, because everyone wants something to blame... and so we fall into this trap - it was the vaccination, lack of vaccination, the mattress wasn't firm enough, the mattress had "chemicals" in it... I wish, that there was a way to irrefutably eliminate some of these theories, instead of making the head of SIDS parents spin. How are we supposed to rest easy when we have other newborn babies, infants? Yes there are risk factors that increase the odds of an occurrence for SIDS - such as premature birth, c-section birth. That was one of the risk factors for Preston. Yet, there are so many babies that are born prematurely, some earlier than Preston at 35 weeks. The rate of survival at 35 weeks is very high. But this risk factor and some unknown environmental stressor and his critical development age could be to blame. I think so much more research could be done, but then again, I don't know how difficult this research is.
Anyway, I went on a tangent there... Community. The baby loss community has been one that has helped me immensely on this journey of grief. This is a journey that I will continue for my entire life, and really without the knowledge that there are others out there who have survived such an ordeal, has been helpful. Seeing the positivity that others are able to live by, how they go through most days honoring their children, helping others has really been eye opening to me. The community is on forums, is via blogs, is others I have met through group therapy. It's been encouraging to see so many couples stick together. This can be one of the greatest challenges for a marriage, or so I've been told, over and over again. And I know Brett and I have a really special bond, and nothing can break it, but you still have to work at it, cherish it, and make it the best it can be. And it's been uplifting to see other couples stick together, through thick and thin. Everyone grieves differently, it's about finding a way to support each other, even when it doesn't mesh with how you are healing. Respecting how the other is healing.
The community has taught me a lot, and it's helped me bring awareness to others, who aren't a part of this community. I don't ever want anyone to need to join this community, but I think helping others, who haven't experienced this type of loss, understand what we are going through, may one day help others. Awareness is half the battle.
I'd like to see our community be supported. I know the topic of infant loss and miscarriage is a sensitive one. I know that it scares a lot of people, it brings out emotions that are difficult to deal with. And I think on both ends, we need to bridge the gap. Those of us who have experienced a loss, when we are ready, I think we need not be ashamed to speak of our children. And for those who haven't, we need to understand that any loss is a loss. There is no "you can always have another". There is no "you never even got to hold him/her". There is no "he didn't take a breath". A loss is a loss. It is traumatic, and it is heartbreaking. Nothing can replace what was lost. Trying to make "light" of it, usually ends up hurting feelings more than not saying anything. A simple "I'm sorry for your loss" or "I'm thinking of you" or a hug, can go a long, long way.
On October 1st, I lit a candle for my son. It is pictured above, on the top left corner. My aunt Jocelyn and friend Cynthia did as well. I also lit this candle, for all the babies in my loss community. I thought of them. I prayed for their parents. On October 15th, I lit two candles. A red one for Preston, pictured above, top left and bottom, and an orange one, on the bottom, again for all the babies in my loss community. Thank you Alicia, John, Cynthia, aunt Jocelyn and April, for lighting candles and sharing in the wave of light. I will do this again on October 31st, to close out this month of awareness. I hope you will join me.
As I lit these candles, I wished our babies well. I told them that their parents were thinking about each and every one of them. I told them to fly high, smile, and know that we love them, no matter where they are. I told them that we think about them every day, and they can rest assured, that they will never be forgotten. Fly high little ones, soar into the clouds, and bless us with the peace that you have been granted.
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