#CaptureYourGrief - Day 20: Breathe

Breathe.  This word plagues my existence.  The expression "takes my breath away" makes me shudder.  Understandably so, given that my son stopped breathing during an afternoon nap, never to take another breath, never to open his eyes again, never to giggle, play, walk, cry ever again.  Never say never they say.  I beg to differ.  Never is another word I'd love to remove from my vocabulary, yet it's ingrained into my mind.

Carly Marie's exercise for day 20 was to go sit/lay outside in the grass, to take in our surroundings, take a deep breath and let it out.  Repeat as much as needed, and thinking about making it a daily practice.  And so, I did just that.  I went to our backyard, sat in the grass, and just emptied my mind, looking all around me.  The sky was void of clouds.  The bushes in our backyard were pretty bare, except the ones on the south side - they were blazing red.  And just behind, our neighbor's tree was still full of bright yellow leaves, staying in the wind.  Everything was quiet, minus the random car which would pass by.  And, to my right.. lay a little white feather in the grass.  Those always make me think of Preston - like if he'd visited and one of his angel wings shed a feather, just to say, "hi, I do visit even if you can't see me".

It was a nice exercise.  It allowed me to stop, take in the beauty around me.  It allowed me to breathe, even if that's a difficult concept because of what it reminds me of.  It helped me do what I want to do anyway - live, find happiness, and smile because that is precisely what Preston would want.  And really, how can I not smile, when all around me, are all these colors that he loved so.  Blue in the sky, green in the grass, red and yellow in the trees and bushes.  White on a feather.  Those are the predominant colors in the beloved painting he adored staring at.

Will I do this every day?  Probably not, but it's a good practice to be done as often as possible.  It's a perfect reminder that while everything is not as it should be, everything is as good as it can be.