I received the above pictured journal from one of my co-workers after Preston's passing. I haven't written a word in it yet. I think, one day, I'd like to write letters to Preston in it. I've read a lot of passages that other angel mom's have written to their angel babies. It's very moving, and I bet it's very therapeutic. I talk to Preston all the time (in my head). It'd be nice to put it on paper one day, but I struggle with that notion right now. Writing him a letter that I can never give to him, that he'll never read.
At the same time though, writing this blog, in his honor, is in itself a form of journaling. I write about my grief. About my healing journey. About a tough day. Memories. Happy moments. And the nice thing is, it's "out there" for anyone who finds it and read it. It's available for others to relate to or to learn from the difficult journey of a grieving parent. It's one thing to know that because of my little boy, I'm somehow helping others who are travelling a similar path. It's another to know that I'm helping, motivating others that haven't experienced a loss, and help them appreciate the life that they have. Both those things mean a lot to me. I think the whole world could do with being happy for what they have, instead of dwelling on the negativity that comes into our lives. Obstacles are placed into everyone's path, at some point in time. The key is accepting that these hurdle are eventually going to come, and take them head on. Some will knock you down for a while, and that's ok. One day, you will get back up, and be ready for the next one.
I've mentioned this before, but I think it's important enough for me to "say" again. Whether you've had a loss or not, don't take it for granted that the memories will always come to you easily. My memory for small details hasn't always been good, but with age, my concentration as well as my memory, aren't what they used to be, and I'm only 32. If there's something that you want to remember, like what the kicks of your son or daughter felt like, what your son's smile looked like, or what your daughter's giggle sounded like, write it down while it's still fresh. If you are blessed with living children, take pictures, take videos. Those will help memories come flooding back one day. You don't have to keep an almost daily blog like me, or write in a journal every day, but don't under-estimate the power of putting pen to paper when it comes to memories. I've come to learn, that one day, they may be all you have, and I'm ever so grateful for it. There are many ways to keep a journal - paper, typewriter, word processing applications on a computer, blog, pictures, scrapbooks, memory boxes. And for bereaved parents, I think that at least one of these, is a helpful tool which will provide some comfort. I hope you consider keeping a "journal" one day.
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