Outpouring of love & support

I was contacted by two ladies I've met on the BBC boards and read their messages.  There was a mom who'd just lost her infant, and they felt like I'd be a good resource for her, and that it'd be a fabulous idea if I could reach out to her.  Of course I did so as soon as possible because I know all too well how difficult this journey is.  How alone you can feel even when you are surrounded.  How you try and recalculate everything you did to see if you could have done something differently.  How you are forced into making decisions you never imagined you'd have to make. A funeral.  Burial or cremation.  Do I want to hold my baby again or should I stay away because he/she won't look the same and it might ruin the memory of your child.  All decisions I had to make.  All decisions I had to make at the lowest point in my life.

When I connected to the forum thread about this mother losing her son Archer, I was floored.  I was absolutely bewildered in amazement by how much love and support this mom was receiving - on a non-loss forum.  Pages and pages of supporting comments, outpourings of love and women helping this mother through the absolutely worse time of her life.  Hugs.

Virtual or not, support can be so powerful.  It can lift you up and help you through the wild waves of grief.  While no one experiences grief the same, while all experiences are unique, while we are all on our own journeys, support can make such a difference.  This thread, where hundreds have replied to this mama's cry for help, and thousands have hugged this sweet soul, is a sign of what I've hoped to see since losing Preston in March.  The silence is breaking around losing babies.  It's less taboo.  It's talked about.  Perhaps there is hope for us not to be shunned because our stories are too sad.  There is hope that we will not be sequestered from future happy events.  Hope does float.

In the last couple of days, I've posted a couple times in this thread, in the hopes of letting this mom know that she is not alone going through this horrible journey.  I don't know that I've touched her, but something pretty amazing happened.  My blog went from 50-100 views daily, to 3500+ in the last two days.  A couple of people reached out to me.  One made my day yesterday - I got my long awaited sign from Preston:

"artisticdevelopment" writes:

...at lunch today the window of your blog popped back up on my phone with a picture of Preston smiling zoomed to the full screen. I don't remember doing that! I felt like he was saying "Hey! What do I have to do to get your attention! Write to my mommy!" I'm terrible at typing on my phone but I didn't want to waste any more time so I'm writing you now. I wish I had something eloquent to say but the best I can do is Preston was beautiful and he sure printed himself on my heart. Xoxo.

Just wow.  I cried.  I smiled.  My heart skipped a beat.  2014 has been a challenging year to say the least.  It started off so great... the best 9-10 weeks of my life.  I'd thought 2012 was a sucky year... Boy was I wrong.  I'm not sad to see 2014 go away, but at the same time, I did have some very happy moments.  As almost everything is in my life now, it's bittersweet.

Basically, all this to say, don't underestimate the power of love and support.  It can do magical things, as can positive attitudes, but that's a little difficult to have when you've lost part of yourself.  So thank you to all who are support Archer's mama.  To all that are supporting Evan's mama.  You are truly making a difference, even if you can't see it.  Those first few months are fuzzy, blurry and foggy.  I don't remember them well.  Re-reading my early blog entries and totally don't recall writing them.  Thank you for supporting them, and continuing to do so.  Thank you for helping break the silence.  Thank you, for your compassion.  Dare I say, thank you from all grieving mamas.