The Sound of Music

Music has spoken to me for a long time.  It's always helped me but my own emotions into words, even if just in my mind.  It helped me connect with certain situations.  I suppose, the lyrics speak to me as much as the music itself, if not more.  I love a good piano melody, but also enjoy some good ol' rock n roll. 

 

On day 24, I am thankful for music, and lyrics.  I couldn't listen to music for a couple months after losing Preston.  Every song that would come on reminded me of my loss, and I didn't need any additional agony while driving.  It's hard to be in your own dark thoughts while driving.  Never mind that it can be dangerous - but I always made sure I was being safe and never went far.  Every time I tried to turn on the radio, there was "Tears in Heaven" or "One Sweet Day".  I just couldn't deal with it.

 

With time, and a lot of tears, I was able to begin to listen to music again.  Depending on my frame of mind on any given day, there are days that I just can't deal with a certain type of songs, or specific songs.  But there are days, where the pain of the lyrics is soothing.  You just have to release those emotions sometimes - whether it's sadness, anger or fear.  Of even if it is a needed moment of cheer, or needing to feel upbeat.  Grief is always associated with deep sadness that people forget that grieving people need some moments of reprieve to feel some happiness, laugh and smile.  And that's totally normal.  Drop the stigma of needing to feel sad all. the. time.  There's no dishonor in feeling happiness.  There's no offense is dropping a smile here and there.  It is not scandalous to laugh.  You may feel guilt afterwards, and hey, that's "normal" too.  I don't like the word normal, but I think it's the best way to describe it.  I've found ways to smile every day.  I know I laughed a little within a few days of Preston passing, and yes, I felt guilty, but in order for my mind to remain sane, these are things I've had to do.

 

But back to music/lyrics.  There are just so many, and I know they aren't meant to mean what I interpret them to mean, but it is what it is.  And if it makes me feel - better, worse, cry, laugh, happy, sad - what's the difference?  10 people could listen to the same song, and each would take something different out of it.

 

From Breaking the Habit

I don't want to be the one,  The battles always choose

I really feel like life keeps picking on me, and I feel like I'm done battling.

Pretty much the whole of Boulevard of Broken Dreams speaks to me as does, Wake me up when September Ends.  Feel free to replace September with any given day, month, year.

From Here Without You
A hundred days have made me older, since the last time that I saw your pretty face
I don't think that needs explanation to relate to my situation

From If Today Was Your Last Day
Each day's a gift and not a given right, leave no stone unturned, leave your fear behind, and try to take the path less traveled by

I think losing Preston has certainly given me a new appreciation for life.  I don't think it's a lesson that needed to be learned.  I tried to live life honestly, kindly before, and I don't wish to find such a "reason" for Preston's passing.  But, I feel like I'm definitely trying to use my grief to find and spread happiness, positivity.

 

These are just some songs I heard today, and I'm sure you'll continue hearing me mention songs, or lyrics.  I truly have a great appreciation for them. 

 

It feels fitting to end with this song as it appropriately describes my feelings:

 

Christina Perry's A Thousand Years
 

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid
To fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt
Suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

 I have died every day
waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

 Time stands still
beauty in all (s)he is
I will be brave
I will not let anything
Take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath,
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

 I have died every day
Waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

And all along I believed
I would find you
Time has brought
Your heart to me
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

One step closer
One step closer

I have died every day
Waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid,
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

And all along I believed
I would find you
Time has brought
Your heart to me
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

 

Mama loves you always Preston. In my heart - always.

 



The one Concert in the Park we saw this summer.  It was a fun medley of '80s music :)