Rays of light

I often come home to these rays of light shining down on my neighborhood.  I've seen them before, scattered around - whether back in Montreal, or on a road trip, or downtown Denver.  I've never seen them as much as I see them over our house.  Are the rays forcing their way through the clouds to send me a message?  Have I gone crazy trying to find meaning in every little thing that happens?

It seems strange to me that every week or so, I see this phenomenon.  Or is it just that I'm more prone to seeing it now.  Or are the Heavens shining down upon us to tell me that finally, things are going to be okay.  Are they saying, we are watching over you.  What was it I read yesterday on my friend's Facebook wall? "Dear whatever doesn't kill me, I'm strong enough now. Thanks"

Seriously though, I really have had enough.  Call me strong, call me a survivor.  I might be, but there's not much more I can take.  There's not much more I want to take.  I'm tired of being strong.  I'm tired of needing to overcome all these obstacles.. and I know, that's what life is.  Life isn't fair.  One of the first lessons I remember learning.  Life isn't fair.  Ain't that the truth!  And you are right, what ever else life throws at me, I'll fight it.  I'll "survive" to the best of my ability.  But I'm tired of it. Tired of being broken.  Tired of wanting, needing to find signs to make it through the day.

So, I hope these scattered rays of light are a sign that our household is blessed.  That our household is protected from future tragedies.  That our household will have much happiness, one day.  In the meantime, I send my love back to Heaven through those rays of light.  To my loved ones who have left before me - my grandmere and 3 other grandparents I never met.  Grace, my husband's grandma along with his other grandparents that I never met.  Great aunts and uncles.  To my son, Preston.