Cheesy goodness

I can't go without acknowledging what today is.  September 19th, marks the day Preston would have turned 10 months old.  I don't know that we would have celebrated this day in a grandiose fashion if he had been here.  Probably would have wished him a happy 10 months and taken some pictures, but that's probably it.  When the 19th comes around each month, it's difficult not to think about what Preston would be like today, at that age.  What he would be doing.  On the verge of taking his first steps? Babbling trying to say a couple words?  How big would he be? 15, 16 pounds?  He was 11 lbs, 3 oz the last time I held him.

Despite today being what it is, the day was manageable.  This is going to sound so odd, but there was a moth of the train this morning, and it flew to the bench in front of where I sat, and turned around and looked at me for a couple seconds.  Totally weird right?  Later, about halfway through the ride, this bird kept following the train.  Followed us for a couple stations.  And as I was getting on the elevator, listening to one last song on Pandora before starting my workday... the song took forever to load.  I was actually about to shut down the app.. but Iris came on, just when I was about to.  I don't associate moths or birds with Preston.  But these odd things plus Iris coming on, today, on a day where I'd give absolutely anything for signs from my baby boy, because that's all I've got... these weren't just coincidences.  Signs.  Serendipity because I've got an open heart.

Also making my day easier, my angel mom friends who wrote nice messages to me today.  Telling me they are thinking of me, and Preston.  Wishing me and my husband a gentle day.  Telling me how much they love to see Preston's smile in pictures and that they are thankful that I have shared him with them.  This really warmed up my heart.  It made my day, that much easier to go through.  Thank you ladies, from the bottom of my heart.

Lastly, looking forward to dinner, has made today a little easier.  On day 28, I am thankful for pizza.  Call me crazy for being thankful for such a trivial thing.  For something not so healthy.  I've touched on this a bit last month, but I will explain again.  A fellow angel mom, Krystal, honors her twin boys gone too soon, by celebrating them on every 10th.  Last month she had ordered orange juice which she craved while pregnant with Conner and Benjamin, even though it's something she really can't stand.  It inspired me to have pizza every 19th of the month.  You see, when I was pregnant with Preston and would eat pizza, he would have a party in my belly, moving more than usual.  It was one of the coolest feelings and something I will remember forever.  I love pizza, but my goal is now to limit myself to only having it on the 19th though there's not too much I can do if we are invited somewhere and pizza is served, or if I come home to pizza having been ordered.  Regardless, I will do my best to keep pizza for the 19th, to celebrate my little boy.

We also watched the Avengers tonight, which I hadn't seen.  I rather enjoyed it.  Nice way to end the week, the day, the "month".  Good way to celebrate Preston, by spending the night, just me and Brett. 

Every day is special to someone out there.  Every day, it's someone's birthday, someone's anniversary.  Every day, someone has something to celebrate - successes, graduations, victories.  Sometimes the celebration is bittersweet, like celebrating the life of a loved one who's had a long life.  Every 13th is difficult for me.  Every 19th has the potential to being difficult for me, but this new ritual of pizza, cheesy delicious goodness, helps me celebrate my son's life instead of grieving it like I do every day.  To you angel mamas who have those particularly difficult days every month, I pray that time helps make the days easier.  I pray that you find peace on those days, that those days are kind to you.  I pray, that if it's possible, you find a small way to celebrate your baby, and that it helps you heal, the way pizza has worked for me.  I sound ridiculous don't I?  Pizza heals the soul!

Heaven promises to be a happy place, where there is no more pain, or sadness.  There is no grief or tears.  Is there a party every day?  If so, I hope that today, there was a little party for Preston.  Perhaps he took his first steps on a puffy cloud and giggled.  I hope he is surrounded by loved ones.  I hope, somehow someway, Heaven can read my message, and give my baby a kiss for me.  Mama loves you sweetie pie.

Too pretty not to share.  Or tree is quickly turning gold.