Happy by Leona Lewis
You do what you have to do by Sarah McLachlan
Shadow of the Day by Linkin Park
Say Something by A Great Big World
Colors of the Wind by Vanessa Williams
The Middle by Jimmy Eat World
Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls
What's interesting is that these all remind me of Preston - a lot. My interpretations are below.
To me, Happy by Leona Lewis is about trying to find a way to be happy, which is basically what I struggle with every day since losing my little boy. I certainly don't feel happy, though I'm able to have happy moments every day. It's an inspiring song though and I find it soothing to listen to even if it's hard to hear sometimes.
To me, You do what you have to do by Sarah McLachlan is about learning to let go of someone. While I will never let go of Preston, I did have to say goodbye to my happy baby. I'm now doing what I have to do to live on without his physical presence in my life. This song moves me because it's true, all in all, I don't know how to let him go, how to really live without him.
To me, Shadow of the Day by Linkin Park is about loss and new beginnings which is what I'm going through right now. "Goodbye's the only way", perhaps, but I really struggle with it still. I've said my goodbyes, but sometimes it still feels surreal. Almost feels like this whole ordeal has been a really bad dream, or that having Preston was a wonderful one. Funny how your view of things changes as time goes on.
To me, Say Something by A Great Big World, is about needing signs from a loved one, a lost loved one. I really struggle with this one because it really speaks to me, except for "I'm giving up on you". I couldn't give up on Preston. But sometimes, on tough days, it can feel like "I'm giving up on you" is what I want to tell God. I want to know what happened to my baby boy, why he's gone, why he was chosen to go to heaven so soon. But, I know that I can ask over, and over, and over again, but I probably won't find out until it's my time. I'll never stop asking for signs, or be happy and soothed when I see them. I saw many bunnies today, saw two rainbows in the window of the train this morning (light was bouncing off something to create them), saw a tiny white feather (with brown edges) while walking around the track at the local high school - in the lane I've been walking in lately. Perhaps all these songs today were in themselves a sign?
To me, Colors of the Wind by Vanessa Williams is about nature and not taking it for granted. I think since Preston's passing, I've learned to appreciate nature a lot more... actually I've learned to appreciate everything more. It's a hard lesson to learn given the price it cost me. The song also makes me think of my little boy because of the colors it speaks of, because of the picture the song paints... it just reminds me how amazed Preston was by colors. The colors around us should really bring us happiness... just so wonderful!
To me, The Middle by Jimmy Eat World is about perseverance. I really feel this song too. "Little girl you're in the middle of the ride"... I really feel like I am. I'm not at that super low point of grief, but I'm not in a great place either and I'm just waiting to see if the ride is going to take me up or down next. Losing a child is like being on a never-ending roller coaster. Have I mentioned before that I hate roller coasters?
Lastly, to me, Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls is all about my journey and I will have to share that another time. I could make a whole post about this song, and I will sometime soon. For now though, I'm tired and I need to sleep... the fun of having a summer cold :(
But, just before I go nighty-night, just wanted to share how my garden is doing! Seems to be thriving no?
Isn't it amazing how every song you hear can be attributed somehow to your little one? It just shows how much Preston is still very much a part of your life and how much he is loved.
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