I believe my little angel tried to reach out to me today, several times. On my way to work, my Pandora played several songs that made me think of him. Certainly the songs I heard aren't meant to remind you about a little boy, or your son, but it's just some of the lyrics...
"Please forgive me" (because I'm not here anymore)
"Never say goodbye" (because I'm always with you in spirit)
"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end" (don't think I need to explain that)
"Wake me up when September ends" (this whole song just touches me)
"Blurry" (I still get in that "fog" phase)
"Wish you were here"
"Angel"
"Angel" by Sarah McLachlan is a song I haven't been able to listen to in years. It played at Krista's mom's funeral. It's made me cry ever since. But it played today and it brought me some comfort. Especially in conjunction with the rest of the signs.
There was a very little white feather on the sidewalk just before I stepped into my work building downtown. I've read that it's a sign that there's an angel near by. I know you might think I read a lot of crap, but when you lose a child, you just feel the need to look up certain things up to find a way to cope and live every day as best you can. I haven't seen many feathers in the past months. I saw one tiny white feather on our back deck a couple months ago. And then this one this morning.
I went for a short walk during lunch today. The air felt very negative and I needed to get away for just a few minutes. I've been steering away from negativity for most of my life because I just don't like it, but I feel like I'm in a place where it'd be very easy to go down a path of negativity so I avoid it like the plague. So, I went outside into the humid hot air. I'd only taken a few steps and there was another feather - bigger and only half white this time. Obviously a pigeon feather... but I did read that it doesn't matter what feather you see, size or color, it's still the sign of an angel. I certainly don't want to associate pigeons with my son. I hate pigeons. I don't hate much, but I detest them. They are the devil with their beady red eyes and one did try to attack me once - freaky.
I saw so many bunnies today. Really, more than I've seen in a single day in a long time. So why all these signs from my little boy today? Perhaps because he knows the next couple of days are going to be difficult on my soul. I feel his presence today and I feel like it's really helped me through the day.
So you are right aunt Jocelyn. Preston is sending me messages. I just have to be open to receive them and be more aware of my surroundings. Perhaps I do have a clock that isn't keeping time. I do keep hearing certain songs over and over again and they aren't current "top 20" songs. These things bring me a lot of comfort.
I really want to thank everyone that's been reading and giving me feedback, whether it's in a comment on this blog, in a comment on Facebook or BabyCenter forums, or via email or simply in conversation. Your support really is uplifting, touching and motivating. I hope that I am able to offer some of the same to you. If not today, tomorrow or in a time of need for you.
I too have seen a couple of things. 1. Looking at a picture a friend posted on facebook, I saw as clear as day and outline of a tiny hand..just the fingers coming out of one of the clouds.
ReplyDelete2. As I was dropping my little boy of to school, on the drive back home, I was glancing at the clouds to see if I could see anything. I did not. Then all of the sudden an image came into focus. It was a dark sillouette of of little boys face. Just as clear as a bell. It only lasted for a second. I could not see it again. Only for a fw seconds was it visible. I see that as a sign. I agree with your post. Hoping to see one again soon.