"Healing through giref is not about learning to STOP missing you. It's about learning to live my life WHILE missing you."
These are wise words. Unfortunately, many grieving parents hear words that would be better left unsaid: "Aren't you over it yet?", "At least he/she was only a few months old, it would have been worse if he/she was older", "You can have other kids", "You will move on, it just takes a bit of time". I'm sure the intention behind these atrocities are nothing but good, but such statements as these are terribly hurtful. Children aren't interchangeable. A child cannot replace another. Age doesn't matter, once you are pregnant and long and love your baby, it's traumatic to live through a loss. You don't move on, or get over it. Ever.
The wise words above though, they speak the truth. There is not a day that goes by where I don't miss Preston, think of Preston, and wonder what could have been. As the time goes tick tock though, I am learning to live my life without him, while missing him. Missing Preston is part of me now. It will not go away, and that's perfectly okay. I can smile and laugh. I can have fun and relax. This doesn't mean I'm not grieving. This doesn't equate to having "moved on" or "being over it". There's no "at least" in grief. There's no "being over it" and there is no "moving on". There is moving forward. There is healing.
You may be the victim of some harsh words. I hope with all my heart that I'm right and that if it does happen, the intention wasn't to be hurtful. People just don't know what to say. They think they are being helpful, not hurtful. Losing your child isn't something you ever imagine, or should imagine. And even if I were in a situation where I would have to say something to someone who lost a baby, I don't think I'd know what to say, and I may mistakenly utter a "at least".
If you have such words said to you, remember this quote. You don't have to move on because society says you have to. You don't have to get over it and return to your "old" self. You will heal, but you will miss your baby forever. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. <3
I just told someone the other day that I hate the phrase "moving on." We can move forward and carry our babies with us. I believe that we can still be happy in life while at the same time not feeling full, because we are always missing our babies. No one else understands that except for the other parents in this club that we never wanted to be a part of. Unfortunately, it is up to us to educate those people who dont understand - at least to the best of our ability.
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