Positively February: Day 22

"Always Do Your Best.  Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick.  Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret" - Miguel Angel Ruiz

Perseverance.  Determination.  Tenacity.  These aren't always easy to find within ourselves.  When you are at your lowest, it isn't the first thing that comes to mind.  Usually, it doesn't even cross your mind. When I was first diagnosed with Crohn's disease I felt defeated.  I felt like my life was over.  I was 18, and I was scared.  I didn't know enough about the condition, about what it meant, but I let the words "incurable disease" absolutely destroy me.  Doing my best didn't even come to mind.  Eventually though, I found courage.  That courage and optimism helped me move forward.  It pushed me to research the disease.  It enabled me find coping mechanisms, and to find ways to "ride out" the flare-ups.

In June of 2009, I had surgery to remove my septic gall-bladder.  I didn't just feel defeated, I was defeated.  I told myself recovery was going to be slow, and so it was slow.  I let every pull in my abdomen crush my recovery.  I didn't know better.  I did not do my best. Those two experiences shaped my future recoveries.  It pushed me to do my best when it came to recovering from two bowel obstructions in 2012 and subsequently two bowel resections in October 2012.  I stopped the pain meds as soon as possible.  I joined the gym to get stronger as soon as the doctor cleared me.  With my c-section, I walked and walked as soon as possible, to get stronger for my baby boy, my sweet P, who needed me.

Grief has a way of halting my ability to do the best I can.  However, under the circumstances, I've come to learn that every day, I am doing my best.  Some days, my best is managing to get through the day without feeling like I'm about to fall apart.  Other days, I find the motivation to get on the exercise bike for 15 minutes.  I need more of those days, but when they don't happen, I remind myself that I'm doing the best that I can.  That makes me feel better, stronger and gives me hope that tomorrow, I might just do even better.