Stalled

I've been feeling stalled in several areas of my life for the last couple months.  I can't seem to figure out Christmas presents, which is likely due to my lack of enthusiasm for the holiday season this year.  I've been struggling to find topics to write about, and relating them to Preston or my loss.  I haven't taken many pictures to assist with my blogs since returning from Vegas.

Like a perfect metaphor, my car stalled and wouldn't start again today.  It had stalled on Tuesday at a red light, buy started right back up and I had no issues all week.  Today, I loaded groceries into my car and started my car so that I could go make grocery trip number 2 at Safeway, and my car stalled.  I tried starting it again and it stalled.  I waited, and tried again.  Failure.

I called Brett so that he could come pick me up and we could figure out what to do.  I see myself as a "half glass full" type of person, but hubby points out I often think of the worse case scenario.  I suppose it must be true since the thought of needing to get a new car came into my head.  My car is 11 years old, not 20.  It's got just under 125,000 kilometers on my car (just about 75,000 miles).  That's pretty low for a car that old.  And so, we're hoping my car just needs a good tune up.  Fingers crossed!

I feel like an angel's been watching over me, and yes I believe it's my son.  I could have easily been on the highway when my car stalled.  No, the two times my car stalled were at a stop light and in a parking lot.  Thank you Preston.  Thank you for watching over mama, even if it should be the other way around.  I don't think I'll ever get over that, but I'm slowly coming to accepting it.  I don't like it.  But, it's the way it is.

So, there's usually a fix for cars that stall.  New spark plugs perhaps?  There's no magic solution for solving, conquering grief.  There are just days that are easier, and days which are just ultimately dark and sad.  And while I feel stonewalled when it comes to certain things, I just have to remember, the roller coaster eventually will start taking me back uphill.