I've been wanting to lose a good 15 to 20 pounds since having Preston. At first, I didn't try too hard because I guess I didn't really have time between work and everything else that involves being a mom. After he passed away, conceivably, it wasn't something that was on my mind at all. And then I tried. I tried to motivate myself to do exercise. I tried to eat better. I tried to eat less. I'd lose two pounds over the course of a week or two, and then I'd gain 3 in two days. So frustrating!
I gained some weight because of my pregnancy, as most women do, but a large portion of my weight was water weight which I lost while I was in the hospital. The water retention was one of the side effects from pre-eclampsia. After the c-section, I remember that my ankles were the size of my thighs. It's like I had tree trunks for legs. How awful. Ironically, I've also had legs that looked like twigs - after my bowel obstructions and bowel resections, my legs had gone into atrophy from my being bed ridden for over a week.
However, I think most of my weight was leftover from being on Prednisone, which I had to be on for a couple months after my bowel resection in October 2012. Have I talked about Prednisone before? I don't think I have, but forgive me if I have. Prednisone is a steroid which is given to help reduce inflammation (among other uses). It has terrible side effects - it makes you hungry all the time, it causes joint pain, it leads to insomnia, you become overly emotional (and often irrational). Lastly, it gives you the energy of 100 people even if you aren't sleeping. At least, these are all the side effects that I experienced.
Picture this if you will. It's Saturday and I decide that I will cook meals for the whole week. I cook all day and I make way too much food for 2. Of course, as I cook, I taste, sample and basically eat all day long. I do the same on Sunday. I gained a lot of weight because of Prednisone, even knowing that I would be hungry all the time and needed to control myself. Easier said than done. I joined a gym when I was strong enough after my surgery and I got in shape. I didn't lose as much weight as I would have liked before getting pregnant and before I knew it, I was pregnant and was feeling nauseous whenever I tried to eat something and just couldn't bring myself to work out, because I felt nauseous whenever I overexerted myself too.
Could I have joined the gym again? Certainly, but it's expensive and it means another hour or so that I'm away from the house. Weight Watchers was $65.00 for 3 months, and I hope to not need it for longer than that. With WW, it helps me create better meal plans. I also bought an exercise bike which I promised myself to ride every time I watch General Hospital. I think the combination of the diet and exercise bike, will help me reach an ideal weight and maintain it... at least that is the hope! Weight Watchers makes me accountable for everything that I decide to eat. I've decreased my bread intake incredibly. I miss it because I love, love, love bread... but it's so many carbs!! Damn you carbs! I have a good Greek yogurt for breakfast, try to have a salad for lunch (usually with a few pieces of leftover meat from the night before) and have a nice dinner. So far, it's worked pretty good... but I did have a rocky start.
I signed up 2 Sundays ago in the afternoon. At this time, hubby was on a juice diet - 8 days where your only meal is juice made from fruits and vegetables. Every now and then he'd have a protein shake or a banana. On day 7, that same Sunday, he decided to end his diet a day early, as he was having trouble concentrating and needed to be sharp for work the next day. "Hey honey, you want to go get a burger?" Ughhh... How can I say no to a burger?? So I was over my allocated points for the day on day 1. Great. However, the way that WW works, is that you also have an allocated optional point bank for the week. You don't have to use it, but it allows you to cheat or treat yourself to something you really like on occasion. So I've had a couple cheeseburgers since then. I had two slices of my meat pie on Thanksgiving and the following day. Those were high point food items, but worth it.
And the good news. After 2 weeks, I'm down 5 pounds and just under 2 pounds away from my first goal, the one suggested by my WW app. It's a cool application. It can find just about any food you are eating and tells you how many points they are worth. You can scan a barcode that appears on a food item, and it'll tell you how many points it costs you. Makes grocery shopping difficult. Two cookies equals 6 of my 26 daily points? No thank you!
Being on a diet is a hard thing to admit. My weight has been up and down for the past 2 years and I've just had enough. Hope does exist. Part of me is a little sad to see some of this weight go away, as it is another connection to Preston that is disappearing as the pounds fall off. Overall though, I'd like to give Preston a younger sibling or two should we be lucky enough too. I know that it will be a difficult journey. All the parallel reminders between one pregnancy and the other. The comparison of the first 16 weeks. The paranoia that will exist until SIDS is no longer something that parents need to worry about. All the firsts that Preston never got. I don't know how we'll do it, but for now, I'm hanging on that there is hope.
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