Yellow

 

I'm sure I've mentioned how much Preston loved colors.  I thought that from time to time, I'd post about a color from the rainbow since those colors make me think of my angel.

 

I think I've often associated yellow with happiness, probably because it's the color of the universal smiley face.  I don't really associate yellow with Preston though.  He didn't wear yellow very often, perhaps because I didn't think it suited him well?  He did have a fleece onesie with ducks on it.  I bought it for him at Christmas.  I must admit he looked rather cute in it.  We had to be sure he stayed warm enough, especially the first month when he didn't have much "chub".  My son was 4 lbs 5 oz when he was born but was 18.5 inches long.  It's like he stopped getting nutrients or whatever it is that makes a baby gain fat in the womb.  I blame preeclampsia for that one.  He also had a 3 month onesie that he'd just started wearing.  I did really like that one, it had a bear on it.

 

Yellow like the sun...  the sun gives us light each day, gives us hope.  A sunny day, is a happy day with children running all around playing games.  Do they play outside as much as we did when we were young?  It doesn't seem like it, but perhaps I'm not home during the day to notice.  Sunny days do bring happiness though.  I remember vividly when I was a cashier at the grocery store and it would rain for 5-6 days straight... people would get grumpy!  So the sun, should make me think of Preston.  Breathe in the day Cat, the sun brings growth to your garden and to everything around you.

 

Yellow like the rubber ducky thermometer for your bath.  Preston's first baths were in those gray tubs we got from the hospital.  Gosh he was so tiny.  It was so difficult to give him baths in those tubs.  It was so nice when he was able to fit in the seated bath chair I got for him.  I think he was starting to show signs that he liked the water... not that he ever showed signs of not liking it.  He did love it once he was clean and dry though.  A happy baby indeed.  I miss those special times, the routine of getting his bath ready, cleaning him up and getting him changed into a new outfit and then rocking him to sleep.  Cherish those memories and don't let them fade away.

 

Yellow like the infant formula box you never got to try.  While it said "3 months and up", I wanted to wait until Preston was 4 months old, given that he came 5 weeks early.  I thought, the newborn formula was probably better for him at that point in time (not that he was on a strictly formula diet - though he was getting there).  I was going to switch him to it 1 week after he passed away.  We had his 4 month check-up just 6 days later.  If only... there comes that vicious circle again.  See how easy it can be to go down that road?

 

Duck and bear onesies, smiley faces and the sun, rubber duckies... they all remind me of Preston.  And who could forget - the cover of "One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish"... it's yellow :)

 

As I often, if not always, think of Preston during my almost nightly walks with hubby, seeing the yellow flowers posted above remind me of my son.  They are hearty yet delicate, vibrant and easily sway in the wind; they are everywhere we go.  Preston may have been delicate when he was born, but he was a little fighter, regardless of what took him away from us, regardless of what anybody may say.  He was vibrant and full of life, always kicking and squirming.  He wanted to see everything and always wanted to be moving.  Just like the yellow flowers, he is everywhere we go as he will always remain in our hearts.

 

Tonight, I ask that you say a little prayer for my friend "Ajay" from the Babycenter community.  Her son Silas' 1st birthday is tomorrow.  Send her peace and send her strength.  While I may not yet know how difficult the 1st birthday of a child that is no longer with you is, I will one day experience it, and I know it will be one of the most difficult days I have yet to face.  Thinking of you Ajay. I'm with you in spirit - all day long. xoxox