3 months

I can't believe it's already been three months since I last saw my little boy smile, since I last held him and kissed him.  At the same time, it seems like it's been an eternity since he's left us.  Time is so relative.  Half of 2014 has already come and gone.

I miss his sweet coos, his constant kicks, his soft cry, how he got calm the second he saw his bottle.  I miss reading "One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish", his favorite book (or maybe mine?).  I miss seeing his smile.

I thought today would be pretty tough, but it hasn't been half as bad as I thought.  My friends at work have been incredibly supportive.  My family, near and far have been reaching out and showing their support as much as possible.  I received an incredibly touching letter from my aunt Jocelyn today.  Perhaps I will share it one day.  Our friends, again near and far, have shown a lot of support as well.  We are incredibly lucky to have such an awesome support system.  I've also found a lot of support and understanding on the BabyCenter community from women from all around who are experiencing loss.  And lastly, we've found support in our local community with other parents who have experienced a SIDS loss.

This weekend, hubby and I will be taking it easy.  I've taken him out of town for father's day weekend because I want him to know how special of a person he is and how much of an exceptional father he is.  Our son might not be physically present with us, you may not be able to see him, but my husband will forever be a father - and what a father.  He cares so much.

I'm sorry that he will not get to teach Preston all the things that he would have liked to - baseball, how to fix a car, how to care for a house, how to be a great and respectable man.  I'm sorry that he won't get to play catch with him, and trucks and Legos.  I am so proud of what he was already teaching our son, and I have no doubts in my mind that Preston would have become a wonderful decent person because of what his father would have shown him.

While sadness will always be around us, we will make the most of every day we have together.  Our son remains in our hearts and how can that not make us smile every day?