Big Cats

Preston would watch "Big Cat Diary" on Animal Planet with his Dad for his first feeding at 5am.  As he ate, he would watch all the colors on the big painting behind our couch, but when he was done and had burped, he would sit on his father's lap and watch lions, cheetahs and leopards.  He enjoyed the fast movement and the colors of the jungle and savannahs and the calm voice of the narrator.  It was a special time between father and son.  I'm sad that it isn't something that they'll get to do again.  I know how much my husband misses Preston.

Before Preston was born, I had bought him a Halloween costume - a 9 month old size.  I don't know that it would have quite fit him since he was born 5 weeks early but we would have tried nonetheless.  The costume? A lion.  I think it's kind of cool since he ended up liking big cats like the lion. 

We received a nice blanket from my aunt and uncle and it had a lion on it.  It was his favorite blanket - so soft.  It also had a lion on it.  Again, a nice coincidence given that his theme was bears.  This blanket had been sitting in his car seat since the day he passed away.  I took it out today, smelled it, hugged it.  I'm glad to have it and I'm glad that it kept him warm, and brought him comfort for naps in my arms and in his bassinet that we kept in the living room for his daytime naps.  Soon enough, he would have been too big for it.  Now, it will bring me a different kind of comfort.

We went to a casino resort over the weekend.  Among other things, I played 2 slot machines  - "Big Cats" and "Royal Lion".  It made me smile to see these "big cats" as it made me think of my son - so captivated by what these animals were doing on the big screen.  I am sure most parents dream and theorize about what their child will do, what they will be good at.  We do that too, and while we will never get to really know, I think there are things that we know for certain.  We know our boy was smart.  We know he was learning so fast already at such a young age.  We know that he would have found something that would have made him truly happy.  It's never too late to realize your dreams, do what makes you happy.

Forever seeing big cats anywhere will remind me of my sweet P.  While I don't foresee seeing a lion, cheetah or leopard in my backyard anytime soon, it's nice to find them randomly - like in a casino.  Forever, big cats will make me smile.