Rain and rainbows

We got a little bit of rain today... well actually the only rain I know about was the few drops that fell as I was driving home from work.  I was hoping to see a rainbow, but no such luck today...which is a little sad considering we won't be getting much more rain until the fall which probably means not many rainbows.

If you've had a miscarriage, a stillbirth or have lost a child, you are probably well versed in the meaning of rainbows.  Rainbows are associated with losing a baby.  They say when you are pregnant after a loss, you are expecting a rainbow baby.  It's a special time with a hopeful outcome after a storm.  It's often said that if you see a rainbow, it's a sign from your angel baby.

Preston was a rainbow baby, as I lost his brother or sister at 9 weeks in 2012.  It was a very sad loss, though we were able to recuperate when I ended up in the hospital a few months later with a bowel obstruction.  I believe if I somehow managed to stay pregnant for another 3 months, my hospitalization would have made it a really difficult pregnancy, and probably not a viable pregnancy.  It brings me solace that my little one didn't have to suffer through that.  If/when we are ready to try again, we will look forward to another rainbow.  Preston was for sure special like a rainbow...more special.

I didn't get to see a rainbow today, but I have seen a few in the past 3 months.  I saw two strips of rainbow at the end of April.  It was very odd.  It was before 7am as the sun was coming up.  It had not rained and in the sky, right above the clouds, there were 2 strips of rainbow - horizontal rainbows.  I thought of Preston instantly and my other little angel.  I tried to take a picture of it (below), but it came out as a beam of light.  It makes me believe even more that it was a little hello from my son.  I was trying to talk to God that morning and for the past week, just begging to get a sign that my little boy was ok in heaven and that he didn't suffer.  While it doesn't begin to mend my broken heart, it did lessen the pain...somehow.

We had some rain a couple weeks ago, and I thought maybe I'd get another hello from Preston.  Try as I may, I could not find a rainbow.  A fellow angel mom did get to see one and instantly thought of her little Devlin and of Preston.  I can't say how much that touched me, that she thought of my sweet P.  Thank you Jamie.  It really profoundly touched me.  As Jamie was watching the rainbow from her side of town, I stopped to get some groceries, and before I even realized what was going on, I was in front of rainbow pasta...I needed some rotini.  I guess I got my hello, and as I told Jamie, someone was trying to be a funny little angel.  It made me smile and I ended up buying it.

Next time you see a rainbow, think of Preston.  He's saying hello and saying: smile, it's going to be a good day.