Projects and wrenches

While things are far from being ideal, I think for the most part, we're doing ok.  Not great, not wonderful, not good but ok.  It's odd how sometimes the words automatically come out of my mouth - "I'm doing good, how are you?" but really, I then feel instantly guilty... no I'm not good, I lost my son.  I'll never really be good.  Perhaps I'm now a different kind of good?  I'm as good as I can be?

All of a sudden, our cash flow is a little higher.  I mean, we don't have diapers, formula, daycare, etc. to pay for anymore when we'd budgeted for it all year.  I'm sad that we don't have to pay for those things anymore.  While things were going to be tighter for quite a while, we were really happy and it really didn't matter.  But yeah, now we've fixed the truck and bought new tires for it.  We bought tile and we'll probably have to pay more money towards that project.  That's all fine - I guess these projects keep us busy. 

I have so many projects I'd like to do for this house, because while I didn't really have a desire to move since moving in (like ever again), I now want to move even less.  This is the only home Preston knew.  It's the place he was happy.  I never want to leave, and I don't ever want to think about another family doing what they will with his room.  I know I still can't go in there, but I know that if/when we have another baby, I'd like for Preston's room to be his little sister's or brother's room.  I want to make sure we keep some aspects of the room intact, so that Preston can live on a little in his room.  That probably sounds silly.

Projects, and projects.  One day finish the basement?  We've talked about a small bedroom and bathroom and the rest would be a play room/family room.. not sure it would work because the basement isn't too big and given the layout, the bedroom probably wouldn't have a window, which is illegal... so, perhaps it'll be a large family/play room with a Murphy bed.  Time will tell.  I'd eventually like to replace the countertops, repaint the walls after getting rid of some of the textured walls.  I like the texture of the majority of our walls, but one of them in the kitchen, I can't stand.  We'll eventually have to consider what to do about the carpet upstairs.  While it's nowhere as bad as it is on the first floor, it'll be pretty bad come another 3-4 years - at least in the hallway and in our bedroom. 

I have projects for outside too.  I need to cleanup our flower garden in the front.  It was there when we bought the house and I haven't had to do much to maintain it.  However, this year, it's full of grass growing in between the flowers... I keep meaning to do it every weekend, and I keep running out of time.  I'd say this weekend, but we have plans Friday to Saturday... so we'll see :).  I've been wanting to make a path in the front where there are what seems like mountains of river stones (ok I exaggerate).  They drive me nuts.  And when I get out of the truck, I'm always right in them... so hopefully I get around to it this fall.

As the projects come, so do the wrenches.  When I came back from my evening walk, I went down to see my garden and kept hearing water flowing.  Odd I thought.  I followed the sound to the side of the house... water was gushing down the side of the house!  What the hell?  I went to get hubby and let him know and went back to the yard and saw that there was a faucet coming out of our house and occasionally water would just come shooting out.  Turns out, hubby was washing the truck and had the hose in the front of the house on.. There must be a leak or something... Basement is partially flooded.  Thank goodness for subfloors and sump pump.  That's what the faucet is; the sump pump, pumping the water out of the subfloor.  Sigh....  Off we went to buy fans to dry out half our basement.  I guess we'll figure out sooner rather than later what this issue is.  I hope it's not a huge problem...

Hopefully this wrench doesn't ruin our plans for the weekend, but if it does, such is life right?  Kick me while I'm down.  Gimme what you got life.  You might have me frustrated.  You might have me sad.  You might have me down.  But, you won't get the best of me.  Keep fighting, whatever your battle is.  Life can really suck sometimes, but it doesn't stop - so don't let it get the best of you.  Don't let it get you down for too long.

Think of rainbows and bunnies and it will all be ok (or whatever it is that makes you smile).  Think of the amazing cloud formations (like the one I saw on my walk - below).  Think of what our world could be, if there was just a little more positivity and happiness.  What happiness will you create today?