The Waiting Room

I had a follow-up appointment for my blood pressure today.  My blood pressure went up to crazy scary rates on November 18, 2014.  Preeclampsia/HELLP syndrome was the cause.  Pretty scary stuff.  We were told the only way to fix it was to give birth - and therefore, Preston was born the next night via C-section because my body just wouldn't co-operate even after being induced.

Usually, giving birth "cures" preeclampsia.  It hasn't been the case for me.  My BP was consistently 140-145/90 for a couple months.  I've been on meds since November.. for my BP.  Fun stuff at 32 right?  It seems to be getting better though.  I took it at home this weekend and it was at 110/70.  I was thrilled.  My thought was "yay, maybe I can go down to just 1 BP pill a day!"

Back to my appointment.  So I set foot into the building (which is attached to the hospital Preston was born in, and the hospital where I had my bowel resection at and my 2 hospital stays for bowel obstruction).  There was that familiar hospital smell that reminded me of our hospital stay in November.  Preston was there for 9 days, I was for about 6-7 days and then visited several times a day.  Nonetheless, I went on to my doctor's office... 2 pregnant ladies in the waiting room.  To be expected right, I was at my OB's office after all.

I've mentioned before that I am ok with seeing pregnant women, being around them and babies.  Really, mentally I feel ok with it.  Like I've said, what would be the point of hiding from it all?  I have friends who are pregnant and friends with babies.  I want to be part of their life and I'm usually ok around them.  So I filled out the paperwork they had for me and sat down.  A few people were called before me and I just browsed the internet on my phone.  Then 2 more preggers came in, and then a lady and her newborn - much like I'd done for my follow up appointments while on maternity leave.  The little sounds the newborn girl made were little twinges of pain... but luckily, she didn't make too much noise.  It made me think, what would Preston sound like today.  You know what, I know that he'd be making sounds that almost sound like words.  I know my little boy, and call me crazy because he'd be just 7 months old, he'd be close to saying his first words.  Trust your instincts, right?

Moments later, OB had to go to the hospital for a laboring patient.  We were asked if we would wait as she wanted to see all of us.  I looked around; 2-3 preggos and a newborn.  Sigh.. ok, I feel pretty strong most of the time, but come on...probably an hour of this.  Alright...  Just as I was about to go into a full fledged rant on the Babycenter forums... the nurse called me in.  She took my BP and a few other tests and told me my doc would call me to answer my questions.  How thoughtful, I thought.  Much easier on Cat!!

Unfortunately my BP was 130/90.  I'm pretty sure that the pregnant ladies and the newborn, no offense to them, were partially to blame.  I took it again maybe an hour ago and it was at 115/80.  I'll be going back in 3 weeks and I cross my fingers that I will get to go down to 1 pill.  Gotta keep with my 2 mile daily walks and eating healthy, more thoughtfully portioned meals. :)

While I was ready to go on a rant for being surrounded by reminders that my son wasn't with me anymore, when he should be, I was able to remind myself as I was being led to an exam room, that I don't know what the pregnant ladies in the waiting room are going through, or the mother with her newborn.  I didn't see the little girl, just heard her in her carriage.  For all I know, all or some of these people are going through hardships.  Perhaps some of those babies are rainbows.  Perhaps some of them are sick.  We are so quick to judge that we often forget that we aren't the only ones going through tough times.  Everyone has their "something" that they have to deal with.  Some seem trivial to others due to what they are going through, but it doesn't mean it isn't a hardship for another.

That being said, I hope the pregnant ladies I crossed paths with are healthy and I hope that their babies are healthy and go full term and have long lives.  I hope that little baby girl is healthy and happy and well cared for. 

The waiting room can be a hard place to be, but it can also be a place of hope, a place of future healing and a place to realize that while life can hand you the most rotten lemons in the world, there are other people who are handed just as many rotten lemons, sometimes more.  You aren't alone, whatever you are going through.