I think about Preston every day, as you can probably tell if you've been reading my blog long enough. I miss him every day, but I've somehow found a way to not let the pain and sorrow of my loss consume my every thought. That too, has not come easy. For all I know, it could simply be temporary. Perhaps the reality of everything hasn't set in yet. My mind knows all too well that he isn't coming back, but it's possible that my heart hasn't figured it out yet.
I got to see a bunny earlier this evening. It had been quite a while since I'd gotten a sign from my little guy though I think he really helped me last night. I usually don't sleep well when Brett isn't with me. With everything that's happened in the past 5 months, I was anticipating my first night alone to be a long one. One where I was awake all night, crying off and on, feeling alone. While my evening had it's tough moments, I was able to fall asleep quickly and didn't spend the night tossing and turning as I usually do. I think there might have been a little angel caressing my head as I slept to help me through what should have been an understandably difficult night. I didn't wake up upset. I didn't wake up tired. Coincidence? :)
Today may not have been the most productive day, but I did accomplish a few tasks off my weekend to-do list. I did a couple chores, fixed my garden after the small hail storm that hit us on Thursday, and finished emptying the china cabinet. I also allowed myself to play World of Warcraft which I hadn't done since sometime in March or April. I spent a lot of time playing right after Preston passed away just to occupy my mind with something that couldn't possibly trigger a painful thought. It helped to a certain degree, I think. I got to talk with my friend "Soraxen" for a little while. This guy is great, I've actually met him in real life and he's just one of the sweetest people I know. Certainly made me smile to be able to say hello!
And, yes I watched a lot of mindless TV as I cleaned, emptied and played. Several cooking shows including the first part of Chopped Teen Tournament. I think it's nice of the show to do this tournament to award a teen with $25,000 and a $40,000 scholarship to culinary school. It's also nice to see teens with such passion for something. That itself is pretty inspiring. Perhaps inspiring enough to get me to cook more than I have been lately. I've been lazy lately on that front. I shouldn't be, I have so many recipes that the inspiration should be right there! "Yesterday, you said tomorrow". Great quote that I love. Time for me to start living by it instead of just thinking it.
I think inspiration, whether it be for a blog post, for being a better person, or just for our daily lives, is very difficult to come by. And sometimes we'll find something inspiring and we'll think, this is the push I need, but yet we don't do what we promise ourselves. Or is that just me who does that? With Preston, he was my inspiration. He was my reason for everything. But just because he's gone, doesn't mean that he still can't be my reason to push myself harder. Just because I can't take care of him anymore, doesn't mean I shouldn't take care of myself or the people around me. Tomorrow, here I come.
No comments:
Post a Comment