Fading laughter

Hearing that the world lost great actor and comedian Robin Williams hit me really hard today.  I didn't know him personally, yet hearing of his death brought me to tears.  Is it because I'm just too sensitive to death now?  I don't think so.  I remember being in tears when I heard that great hockey legend Maurice Richard had passed away.  I cried hearing about Patrick Swayze's death.  But when it comes to celebrities, I think those are the only ones that really moved me and I'm not quite sure the reason for it.  I never saw Maurice Richard play, but I knew how special he was to my home town.  I haven't seen all of Swayze's movies, so it kind of boggles my mind why his death would affect me more than someone else I might have followed more closely.  Perhaps it was just because of my mood that day?

I've always loved Robin Williams though.  Loved all the great voices he would do.  Just adored him in Aladdin.  And Hook.  Mrs. Doubtfire.  There are so many of his movies that I haven't yet seen.  But, he just had a way of always making me smile and laugh.

I saw a quote on Twitter today that I want to share:   

"What else can be said. I guess you never know what is happening inside another human. Be kind to each other".

This is something I've learned too well with the loss of Preston.  I'm sure if you met me on the street, you probably wouldn't know that I'm dealing with this tremendous loss.  It's not that I'm not sad because of what happened, but I try really hard not to be sad all day.  I have to concentrate on other things to avoid falling into endless sadness.  I have to work, and I do enjoy my job, but the other nice thing about work is that there's the expectation of professionalism.  I think because of this understandable and necessary expectation, it allows my mind to rest from the sorrow for a large portion of the day.  It's not to say that I don't get sad at work, or that I don't think about Preston while at work.  I certainly do.  But, I guess it's helped me learn how to hide it when necessary.  And sometimes it is necessary.  I need to be able to be happy for my friends, and family.  I need to be able to concentrate and do a good job at work, or while I cook so I don't burn down the house.  I need to be able to have a good time. I need to be able to survive.

Really you don't ever know what is going on inside someone else's mind.  You don't know what they have gone through, what they live with every day, the thoughts that they have, by just looking at someone.  At least, it would be the exception when someone is an absolute open book.  For that reason, I think it is super important to be kind to each other, and to ourselves.  Even if someone isn't being nice (I'll stay polite), there's no reason to not treat them with kindness.  Perhaps they are having a bad day.  Or perhaps, no one is ever nice to them, so that's all they know.  Who knows?

I'm really saddened to think that Robin Williams may have committed suicide.  Your own mind can be so cruel.  I am one to think that no one can be more cruel to you than yourself; no one can be harder on you than yourself.  Dealing with grief, I've learned that guilt, self-blame can be really dangerous.  It can take you to dark places.  There's no wonder that many people who deal with traumatic experiences develop depression.  It can be a really tough hole to crawl out of if you don't have a good support system.  Many people who go through a loss, are faced with depression, or suicidal thoughts.  It hasn't been the case for me, but I've come across some through my journey with infant loss.  Don't be afraid to reach out!  If you are filled with sadness, talk to someone: a friend, a family member, others going through a similar experience, a professional.  If you know someone who is going through a tough experience, reach out!  While you may hear things that are upsetting, while it might make you sad, the difference you could make should outweigh all of those things, especially if it is someone you care about.

"It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died. Rather we should thank God that such men lived." -George S. Patton

While I will always mourn the loss of my sweet baby boy Preston, I would agree with the second part of the quote.  I thank God every day for giving him to us, even if it was just for 16 weeks on Earth.  Having known him, loved him, held him, has changed my life forever, for the better.  While I wish I didn't have to lose him, I'm so grateful that he was a part of my life.  Robin Williams changed comedy, and was a great actor to boot.  I thank God for giving him to us, for sharing him with the world for as long as he did, for he made so many people laugh, and will continue to do so.  I thank God, for all the other beautiful human beings that have graced our Earth and have since gone.  Many of these wonderful beings were babies.  Some never got to breathe our air.  Some never got to grow for more than just a handful of weeks.  Some we'll never get a glimpse of.  But, all have impacted the lives of others.  All leave a mark.  All matter.

To all who have loved and lost.  To all who suffer in silence.  Don't keep it all inside.  Laughter may be fading on Earth with the passing of Robin Williams, but I hear the angels giggling as he makes them laugh in Heaven tonight.  What a sweet sound that is.