Mosaic-ally memorialized

I've been trying to find words... for almost two months now.  You see, the night before Preston's birthday, we received a package from my colleagues.  This large and weighty box.  I had no idea what I'd find inside, and because I felt I'd be in a better frame of mind on that Tuesday evening, I decided to open it then.  I also knew that it would eat at me all night if I didn't open it.  I am very curious by nature too!  I can tell you that I was speechless.  I quite honestly still am.  I don't think that a proper thank you exists.  I am giving it a try nonetheless.  Forgive me if it's taken so long.

In the hefty box, was a memorial stone with Preston's name and birth date.  In the center, a butterfly, whose body is made of baby feet bordered my mosaics of blue and green.  Wings of yellow.  A rainbow of colors really.  I was and still am so incredibly touched by this personalized gesture.  I'm certain a lot of research, planning and time went into this stone.  A lot of love went into creating it, as it did into ordering and conceptualizing how my dear colleagues wanted to commemorate my son.  I'm so thankful that many of you did get to meet him.  I feel blessed really.  I feel honored that I was able to share this special little life with you.  I know that he left an imprint on your hearts, as he does on most lives he somehow still manages to touch.

This stone was the start of #SpreadHappinessForPreston.  It helped me see just how much happiness was going to be spread around the world on Preston's birthday - though it was never my intention to be the recipient of some of these acts of kindness to make others smile.  It gave me strength to see balloons soar into the sky to wish my little guy a happy birthday in Heaven less than 12 hours later.  It gave me strength to read all the emails and see with my own two eyes, how much kindness was going around that day.

This stone made me think toward the future, something I have a hard time doing.  Where will we place it?   In his room?  In our room?  By Preston's Garden out back?  In a central area where everyone can admire it?  The consensus?  Once spring comes, it will go next to Preston's Garden in the backyard.  Seems just perfect to us.  A great reason to go tend to the garden every day, if there isn't one already!

Looking at this stone, I'm reminded that there is "no footprint too small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world".  Preston sure has influenced my life.  He's changed me, through his life and death.  I'm often reminded that he's left a mark on others as I am contacted randomly by readers, fellow grieving parents and friends and family who continue to show their love and support as I find my way through life after Preston.

This stone reminds me that without change, the beauty of butterflies wouldn't exist.  Those colorful creatures that fly into our vision on a perfect spring or summer day.  Those free flying souls that remind you that true beauty exists, that remind you of your young days where you would chase a butterfly in a large field.

Seeing Preston's name, one that many are scared to utter in my presence, touches my heart beyond words.  It's really difficult to not be able to share all the firsts he should have had - crawling, eating solid food, talking, walking, running, throwing a ball.  I am comfortable talking about Preston but I know that it can put off a lot of people.  And while maybe I shouldn't care about how it makes others feel if it makes me feel better, I do care.  I don't want to make people sad by talking about Preston.  I know that inevitably it happens.  Whether through my blog, or when I'm talking to someone.  If I can avoid it though, I will avoid making someone miserable if the only purpose is to make myself feel better.  

To re-iterate, seeing Preston's name in writing, it warms my heart.  It's a reminder that he existed.  It's a reminder that he's still with me, in my heart and in the heart of others.  It's proof that his little life, way too short, made a difference, and it gives me hope that he will continue to do so.

I know this isn't enough of a thank you, but again the words to express my gratitude, Brett's gratitude just don't exist.  Just know, that it had a huge impact on how Preston's birthday went, on giving us another way to memorialize and remember our son, and will give us a conversation piece to talk about Preston with anyone who sees the stone and asks about him.  I don't think it gets much more special than that.

Thank you to Jessica, Brendan, Donna, Jocelyn, Eileen, Cindy L., Dottie, Terri, Des, Paula, Marcus, Cindy H., Lisa R., Scott, Wanda, Steve, Michael, Brigit, Lisa V., Val, Tracy and Sydney.