Chasing bunny-looking doggies

We ended up getting close to nine inches of snow last night.  More than the six, I'd seen last night.  My car was buried and the roads promised to be slippery.  My sweet hubby was so kind to drive me to the train station in the F150.  There's a reason we bought it after all.

It was incredible.  Totally unexpected.  It took me by surprise and made me smile.  As we made our way down Meadows Parkway, we had to stop due to a red light.  A dreaded red light.  The one by the hospital.  I looked out my window to the right as to avoid staring at the hospital to our left.  And there it was.  A little bunny hopping along the recently plowed sidewalk, in the bitter coldness of the morning.  I couldn't believe by eyes!  I haven't seen a bunny since late October or early November.  It reinforced that thought I had about yesterday's snow storm.  It really was from Preston.  How can I even doubt it now?  Thank you my love.  Thank you for letting me know I shouldn't doubt my gut, even for something as subjective as signs from the beyond.

I listened to Pandora as the train went on it's merry way, as I do most mornings.  "Numb" played, reminding me that I don't know what life expects from me.  It was followed by "The Middle" which has helped me smile on rough days since the loss of my son.  I am most certainly in the "middle of the ride", doing my best to ride this wave that seems to have stabilized.  For now.  I know it will change.  You can't fool me anymore.

I skipped the next couple songs because they were too angry for my mood this morning .  I was still floating on a cloud from having seen that bunny rabbit.  "Can't Hurry Love" came on after another song or two.  I listened to it for awhile, but had to stop.  I was getting emotional as I felt this was a lesson I would have tried to teach Preston - you really can't hurry love.  I was just about ready to hit "skip song" again until I heard that familiar guitar strum.  "Iris".  Tears filled my eyes.  It'd been so many weeks of not hearing it.  So many times I'd skipped songs hoping to hear it.  Hearing it today... after yesterday's snow storm. After Mr. Bunny's sighting.  Serendipity?  I'm afraid not.  A sign.  A clear sign.

I listened to the live version of Iris.  I tried keeping my composure on the train but I know I shed some tears.  And then, "A Song for Mama" followed "Iris".  So much for composure.  I've heard this song just 3 times.  Right before Mother's Day.  A day before Christmas.  Today.  I just cannot ignore that this is a sign from my little boy.  I didn't want to be Mom.  Or Momma.  Or Maman.  I was his Mama.  Just makes this song that much more powerful for me.

I wish I could have taught Preston so many things.  How to walk.  How to talk.  How to count and how to recite the alphabet.  How to swim and how to dance.  Instead, it seems it's the other way around.  He teaches me all the time.  Teaches me to have faith in God, and in Heaven.  Teaches me how deep love can be.  Teaches me compassion, understanding, sorrow.  He may not be here, but Preston's not too far either.  Keep chasing those bunny-looking doggies.  I'll keep my eyes open for them.

Never gonna go a day without you

Fills me up just thinking about you

I'll never go a day without my mama

Mama, mama, you know I love you

Mama, mama, you're the queen of my heart

Your love is like tears from the stars

Mama, I just want you to know

Loving' you is like food to my soul

Right back at you sweetheart.