November is here. I knew it was coming. I knew I'd be sitting here at some point in time. November has always been a special month for my family. Growing up, it was the month where we celebrated my brother's birthday (turning 40 very soon!!), and my birthday. After I met my husband, it also meant his birthday and his dad's birthday. Then add Thanksgiving, which in the US is celebrated in November, as opposed to October in Canada. And last year, Preston surprised us and was born in November instead of December. This was going to be an even more special month.
Pictured above, was my first birthday. I was looking forward to Preston's birthday so much. Not that he'd remember it, but it's one of those milestones that you dream about when you think about having children. And just like that, there will be no tiny hands in the birthday cake. There will be no tasting of sweets for the first time. There will be no new toys.
November could very easily become a very somber month. It could become a symbol of darkness and sorrow. I have to remind myself that Preston wouldn't want that. Preston wouldn't want me wallowing alone in a corner. He would want me to smile, as I remember the good times we had. He would want me to enjoy the birthdays in or family and Thanksgiving. Hopefully he is smiling down on me, seeing that I'm trying to spread some happiness around the world to honor him.
I have things to look forward to this month. A trip to Vegas with my husband, where I can relax while he's in conferences. Massage. Reading. Going to the pool. Sounds like a good time to me! And, yes a little gambling! A nice road trip there and back which should allow me to see different places. Allow me to see more to this beautiful country. There will be Thanksgiving which always results in a delicious feast! And it'll be nice to acknowledge our little boy and be thankful that even if it was only for a short time, we are thankful that we had him in our life. We have our group session on Monday which is about how to deal with the holidays. I'm looking forward to the feedback other parents have. Many of them have lived through holidays after a loss, and I think their experiences will help me better prepare my mind for it all.
I'm not big on material things. I don't ask for a lot in life. But, yes, I was looking forward to spoiling Preston rotten on his birthday. I was looking forward to baking him a special cake with a bear pan I bought years and years ago. I'm reminded though, that I was blessed with having him in my life. Carrying him and holding him. Seeing him smile. Intangible. Much more special than material. And I will have that forever.
I am sure that Preston is so proud of him Mom and Dad. He especially enjoys when you are smiling and laughing. I am sure that he is proud of what his Mom has done, and is doing, to help others on a daily basis and even more proud of what you have initiated to honour him on the 19th.
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