Another year older

I thought it fitting to use a picture from my 3rd birthday.  30 years ago, I received Cheer bear.  Last year, 6 days before my birthday, I met the happiest baby there ever was.  On my birthday, 6 days later, a year ago toady, Preston was in the NICU.  I had a prolonged stay in the hospital due to the pre-eclampsia and needed a lot of observation as my blood pressure kept spiking.  It took several days for sure for it to stabilize with medication, since having Preston did not rectify the situation, as it should have.  So, on November 25th, they kept me for an extra day, just to make sure.  Part of me thinks that out of the kindness of her heart, my doctor wanted me to stay with my son on my birthday.  I'm so thankful for that.  Even more than I was then.  I didn't know back then, that Preston would only be with us for 16 weeks.  There were no indications that Preston had any kind of ailment.  That's what SIDS is though right? No warnings.  It just happens without a warning.  It blindsides you, even if there's always a slight fear of it when you are a new parent.

No signs from Preston today though I heard another 2 Leona Lewis songs.  What's up with that?  I really wish I would have gotten a huge sign today.  I had a nice day.  A busy day at work, just the way I like it.  A nice dinner with Brett, Charles, Kate and Greyson (Preston's best friend).  Delicious burgers made by my husband.  Beautiful flowers from my friends, handed to me by their 1 year old son.  One of the cutest things I've ever seen!  Yummy birthday sundaes from Dairy Queen.  And to help with my blog, Brett got me Adobe Photoshop! Can't wait to play with that and have wonderful pictures to share :)

Do wishes really come true if you don't share them after blowing your candles? Maybe I'm disillusioned by what's happened to me this past year with the loss of my son, but I don't know that it makes a difference whether you share your wish, or not.  I didn't blow out any candles, and I rather like that I didn't.  I didn't make a wish, but I'll make one now: My wish for this year, is to continue on this healing path, all the while, hoping that Preston finds his way into more and more hearts.  My precious son, I feel has so much to teach me still, even if I should be the one teaching him.  You may not love him the way that I do, but I hope you open your heart, let him in, and just feel the happiness that he is.

Excerpt from Leona Lewis' "Run"

(...) 

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you, dear

Louder, louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice (...)