What are your wishes for this grief journey? What do you need from others? It might be that you want your child to always be remembered. You may wish to educate others on grief and healing. Maybe your wish is to turn this tragedy into something beautiful. Spend some time thinking about what it is that you hope to be able to do, learn or gain from this experience.
If you had asked me this question a year and a half ago, my head would have been spinning. I wouldn't have had any wishes for this grief journey. I didn't want to be on this journey, and I wish I didn't have to be. Unfortunately, that's not a choice I have now, or had then.
I found CarlyMarie's instructions for today's subject, Wish List, interesting because I think she hit on everything I can think of.
I want Preston to be remembered, always. Forever. Not just by me, but by as many people as possible. I want him to make an impact. If I could share him with every single person in the world, I would. He's taught me so much about love and life. About grief and perseverance. About gaining perspective and positivity. I can't even name everything he's taught me because there's just so much! I want to share him with the world so that anyone whose willing to let him in, can hopefully learn from him too.
And if all else fails, maybe he can at least make them smile. He's very skilled at that.
I do want to educate others. On grief, on healing, on SIDS prevention. I think that's been one of the goals I set for this blog. Everyone's journey is going to be different through grief, but I've learned that I often take away something from someone else that's grieving. Early on, someone had told me that they'd heard a story once, about letting go of just one thing relating to the loss of their child. When they were able to do that, it helped tremendously. I didn't think much of it at the time. A few months later, someone I knew told me that she had found out exactly what happened to her baby, yet she still felt like I did. Without resolve. Knowing didn't change the fact that her son was gone. I remembered the story about letting go, and I was able to "let go" of the fact that I might never know why Preston had to be one of the unlucky ones. While it still occasionally haunts me, bothers me and scares me, for the most part, it doesn't consume me like it did a year and a half ago. Is there anything in relation to your grief journey you could see yourself letting go of?
Now I don't know that I'd go as far to say that my grief journey is beautiful. Perhaps there have been some beautiful moments, but I have trouble describing the whole journey as such. It's a roller coaster. The dips and spins may be less intense for me now, but that may not always be the case.
Friends and family, near and far, as well as complete strangers have reached out, and continue to reach out. I think that's made a world of difference. I hope it continues, because it certainly makes an impact on my mental health. Thank you to all.
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