Preston's Molly Bear

I first read about Molly Bears sometime last year.  Molly Bears is a non-profit organization founded by a bereaved mom, Bridget Crews.  Bridget lost her daughter Molly Christine at 34 weeks of gestation.  Following her loss, a friend gave her a weighted, 3 lbs, teddy bear.  Bridget felt like she needed a bear that weighed the exact same as her daughter, and so she bought a shell and rice, and created the first ever Molly Bear.  It gave her something to fill her arms with and brought her much needed comfort.  Fast forward almost 5 years, over 5.5k bears have been created and donated to families, just like hers.  Just like mine.

I'd seen a couple ladies talk about how their baby's Molly Bear brought them comfort and it pushed me to order one.  You can order once a month around the 30th until the max number of orders have been filled.  I missed my shot several months in a row and almost did again, until I saw one of my angel mama friends, Dawna, say she'd just ordered hers.  I jumped on their webpage and did the same.

This morning, I opened the door to leave a little earlier than usual.  It had snowed, and I needed to brush snow off my car, and wanted a little extra time for my commute since it had been so slick the night before.  There was a huge box at the door.  Not knowing what it was, I lifted it just to bring it inside the house, and noticed the label - Molly Bears.  I didn't have time to open the box and had to just leave it there for later.

Preston's Molly Bear was on my mind all day.  How would I feel when I lifted the 11lbs 3oz bear for the first time?  For certain, I thought, I will break down.  With how unstable my emotions have been lately, I just knew it was going to be difficult, which hadn't even crossed my mind when I ordered it months ago.  Well I opened it about 30 minutes ago.  My initial thought was, it is heavy.  Was Preston this heavy?  I carried it around for a while, and sadly, I could not make a parallel between the bear's weight and Preston's weight.  Most likely it is because it's been almost a year since I last held Preston, and the bear is actually bigger than Preston was.  Disproportionate weight shift.

Nonetheless, I hugged it for several minutes and walked around the kitchen.  It didn't feel heavy anymore.  It felt right, even if it isn't Preston.  The card mentions "an angel baby's cuddle sent to a family in need".  It really did feel like the cuddle of an angel.  From my angel.  For it to arrive now... a weekish's time before Preston's angelversary?  For it to arrive the day after 3 emotional days?  A couple people said, "the timing is perfect" and "it's a clear sign from Preston".  And they are right.  It is perfect timing, and it is a sign from Preston.

It's easy to be skeptical about signs.  It's blind faith and a lot struggle with that notion.  I myself have days where I am skeptical about signs.  But I saw bunnies hopping around the neighbor's yard all weekend.  Ok, not all weekend, just a couple times, but still.  There have been hardly any bunnies all winter, and it hasn't been a really cold winter, or a snowy one.  Except for February and March, so far.  I'll take it though. Thank you for sending the bunnies, and for making Preston Bear arrive when he did.


I want to take the time to thank the Molly Bear organization.  Thank you so much.  Even if I had mixed emotions today, I'm so happy to have Preston Bear.  I'm so thankful that he will be here when I need a special hug.  Thank you to, Bridget for creating something so positive to help out so many bereaved families, many of which don't have all the memories I do.  Many of which never held their babies.  I will forever keep Molly Christine in my heart.  I want to also thank Elizabeth for creating Preston's bear for me.  This bear with a blue teddy bear on his belly, a pretty blue ribbon and a rainbow ribbon.  It's perfectly, and simply Preston.  Like Molly, your little Sweet Caroline holds a special place in my heart.

To the entire Molly Bear team, thank you so much for what you do.  I know many of you are bereaved parents yourselves, or siblings or close to others who have loved and lost.  I'm so terribly sorry for your loss.  I commend you for being part of such a positive organization that touch so many families in a way that no one really can.  Bravo to you.  Thank you, from the bottom of my less broken heart.