Being happy doesn't mean everything perfect. It means you've decided to look beyond the imperfections. - Unknown
Happy had been a word I've struggled with since losing Preston. For a long time I felt like I didn't have the right to be happy, or I shouldn't be happy. I felt guilty when I had happy moments.
It still happens that I feel guilty for being happy.
The truth is though, I need to have happiness in my life in order to live, to survive. And while I'll never be as happy as I could have been, I do get to be happy.
While I'll never be completely happy, I do have the right to be happy. I lost a child, but it doesn't mean that my life should be eternal doom and gloom. I continue to be sad every day that I don't get to have with Preston, but I also know that he wants me to be happy. Especially now that his little sister is here. She deserves to be happy. She deserves to have happy parents.
And in no way, does being happy mean that I've forgotten my child. I think this is a fear a lot of mourning parents have. If I smile, or am happy, others will judge me and think that I am over the loss. They will think I don't care about my baby enough.
You don't get over the loss. Ever. And if anyone judges you and thinks that you don't love your child enough, you don't need them in your life. Surround yourself with people who will support you, lift you up when you need it. Sever ties with those that make you feel worse. You have every right to happiness. It won't be perfect happiness, but you can certainly have it again if you allow yourself to see past your loss. It'll be with you always. Your child will always be a part of you.
Well said. I struggle with the same thing. I catch myself laughing too much or too hard, loving my life and then I think wait.. should I be doing this? But you are right. Happiness is necessary. I have a feeling Preston knows that you miss him and want him there, but would hate to see you be sad all the time. So happy that YOU'RE happy!
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