This weekend, I was asked how my blog was going. I was honest, and said, not great. It's not that I don't have anything to talk about, it's just that I feel like I'm walking a fine line between talking about Preston and loss, and his new sibling to be.
This blog is about my son, about living through loss, about sharing my experiences, sharing my son, and hopefully helping someone. I don't want this to become a blog just about my pregnancy and about this new baby.
But at the same time, there are so few resources for someone in my shoes. I haven't connected with anyone else who lost their firstborn to SIDS. And while I have connected with a few people who have had a child after loss, they are very few and far between. I haven't encountered anyone though that had a child after SIDS.
So perhaps, I'm in a prime position to offer some insight into what I feel, what others in my shoes are feeling. And at the same time, I don't want to be off-putting to any of my readers who might have just experienced a loss, for readers where the loss is still too fresh and where pregnancy is a trigger beyond any other.
And so, that's where my mind has been lately. Struggling between the loss and the pregnancy. Finding the perfect mix, that will help others, without alienating anyone.
Perhaps there is no perfect formula. All I can do, is share what I'm feeling, what I've lived, and how I survive and hope that it is enough to help others. All I can do, is continue to try and make Preston proud, continue to share him with the world, and pray that he continues to make a difference.
I had the same issue when Jordan was born, and even during pregnancy. I didn't know when to stop writing on my blog, or if I should. The blog was set up for the boys and, as you know, has slowly evolved into something more for Jordan. But I've gotten so many emails from people saying that seeing Jordan gives them hope - and I think you can do the same for people. You don't have to stop writing. I think your perspective, having lost Preston and embarking on this journey with a new baby, will be a valuable asset to other women who have also lost their babies and want to continue adding to their family. This space is for you, too - I am sure that writing has helped you with your healing process. I'm sure if you keep writing, people will listen (I know I will!).
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