March Madness

No I'm not talking about basketball.

I've been totally dreading the month of March.  So many triggers.  So many changes.  So much to adapt to.

In 11 days, it will have been 2 years since we lost our son.  2 years... where does the time go?  I honestly can't believe that it has been that long.  And at the same time, it feels like AGES ago since I last saw Preston's sweet smile.  Since I last kissed his forehead and rocked him to sleep.  It's maddening really.

In a handful of days, Samantha starts daycare.  I'm not looking forward to it at all.  It's frightening because Preston was at daycare (mind you a different daycare) when he stopped breathing.  It's scary because I won't be there every minute to check on her.  It's so difficult because I don't know how she'll react, or handle it.  Her first day, is going to be a long day for me.  Her first month will be difficult.  The first year... I just don't feel ready... but life isn't about being ready is it?

I return to work in a week.  While my mind is ready for the stimulation, and the hectic every day work... my heart isn't.  Ahead of schedule, I am reminding myself that the days will fly by.  That I will be surrounded by people who support me and care about me.  I remind myself that I will have tons of pictures that I can hang up to make missing Sami a little less painful.

It is a lot to deal with.  I'm not ready... but ready or not... March is here.

One day at a time.

One step at a time.

One moment at a time.  Life is so precious.  Life is so fragile.  I've known that for a long time, and I'm reminded of it every day.  The first month back to work is probably going to be really difficult.  And all I can do, is take it slow.  Love every minute that I get with Sami.  And just try to remain calm in the meantime.

Preston, mama misses you daily.  I wish you were here...

To everyone out there, hug and kiss your loved ones.  Tell them you love them.  Life is precious... more than you know.