It's pretty much rained every single day, which has prevented me from tiling and seeding my garden. Perhaps it's not such a bad thing since the temperatures have also dipped rather low at night. There seemed to be a little layer of frost on the ground this morning.
The weather seems to affect our moods. I remember in my cashier days at the grocery store, when we'd have 4 consecutive days of rain, the clientele got bad tempered. They were annoyed by the littlest things, irritable and hard to please. It gave me an appreciation for not letting the rain affect me. Living in Colorado, I am grateful for the rain. Granted, I know that it can easily cause floods in some areas of the state, and I'm not a fan of that. But if it's not floods, it's wildfires... it doesn't seem like there's a proper balance.
I however can't say that the weather doesn't affect my mood. A snow storm brings a nice smile to my face. A rainbow, more smiles. Sunshine, it just feels nice. And rain, I personally find it calming.
Friday, on my way home, I struggled. As I awaited the train, it seems like ambulances were speeding by me, one after the other, sirens blaring and lights blinking. One even stopped in front of the building I was standing next to. The paramedics got out, and then the gurney was taken out and I just about lost it. I haven't seen one since the last time I was in the hospital, saying goodbye to my little boy. I wasn't in the ambulance with him. I never saw him come out of the ambulance. But I've pictured it a million times. I never get really far before needing to think about something else. I'm about there right now.
It didn't get better when I got on the train. We passed another ambulance just a couple stops later. I hadn't even left downtown and I'd seen at least 3 ambulances, and heard what felt like another 2 or 3. I hoped it wasn't foreshadowing the type of weekend I was about to have.
I read for most of the train ride home, trying to stay distracted so that my eyes didn't catch another ambulance. It was raining when I got to the final stop and of course, I'd forgotten my umbrella at work. Oh well, rain doesn't make you melt and it smells divine. When I pulled out of the parking garage, to my left, floating in the sky, was a beautiful rainbow. It was large, and the bright colors pierced through the dark clouds behind it. The first rainbow of 2015. Since I was driving, I wasn't able to capture a picture of it. It made me a little bummed, but I was smiling the whole way home. My little Preston, shining down on me after some rough moments earlier as I remembered losing him all over again.
When I got home, my friend Dana had posted the following on Facebook:
Preston just wanted to say hi and that he's thinking of you momma!
Photo courtesy of Dana Matthews Falliaux
Dana, that post meant so much to me. One, I'm so honored that you think of Preston, that you think of him when you see rainbows and bunnies, but just the fact that you think of him. And then that you shared this... it memorialized a moment I thought I'd lost when I couldn't take a picture of the first 2015 rainbow. I'm also so touched that you believe this rainbow was my sweet P saying hi to me. That's exactly what I thought when I saw it, and it makes me feel less crazy that other people believe it too. So again, thank you! You are amazing, and I'm so grateful to have you in my life. <3
Even when those bad moments occur, when the going gets rough, know that things will get better, easier. It might be a slow process, it might take a really long time. But it does get better. And in the meantime, savor those moments - be they a calming rainfall or a beautiful ray of sunshine. Be those moments be filled with clouds, or with a few rainbows, here and there.
No comments:
Post a Comment