SpreadHappinessForPreston - Year 12 - 11/19/2025

Time keeps ticking away, day by day. 

 

And while the ache isn’t as sharp as it once was, it is still there.   Constant.  Ready to bubble up to the surface without warning. 

 

Grief still cuts like a razor blade, though not with every breath the way it once did.

 

I’ve been living with the loss of my son, Preston, for close to 12 years now.  Each year on his birthday, I invite everyone to help me honor him by spreading happiness.  In big or small ways, any amount of happiness is a win!  Pay it forward.  Open the door for someone, tell someone they look nice or even just call your friend out of the blue.    Spreading happiness is my way of keeping Preston’s spirit alive, of giving his short life continued meaning.  The world needs his brightness.  One smile at a time.

 

This message isn’t meant to bring sadness.  Really, it’s meant to offer comfort.  To remind you that if you’re going through something, whatever it may be, that you. are. not. alone. 

 

It’s meant as a beacon of hope, a light shining through the darkness, like a rainbow.  Because while grief never fully leaves us, life carries on.  We owe it to our loved ones.  To ourselves.  To live fully, to love deeply and to not let sorrow consume us whole.

 

SpreadHappinessForPreston turns 12 this November 19th.  If I’m being completely honest, it’s hard to find the right words each year to share my missive.  To share my own emotions.  I’m not feeling as raw as I was 10+ years ago.  I don’t need to write daily to process my thoughts and feelings, though perhaps I should more often. 

 

What used to just flow freely from my fingers is now something that requires the right inspiration.  I’ve struggled to find that spark these past few years in the days leading to Preston’s birthday.  It isn’t for lack of love or wanting to share Preston’s message.  It’s just this pressure I put on myself to honor him in a way that feels new each year.  That spark arrived early this year, back in August, and that’s when I began writing this post.

 

My inspiration this year comes from signs and lyrics - two recurring themes in my blog.  Signs from Preston that whisper he’s still near and lyrics because they’ve always given a voice to my emotions, all the while resonating deep within my soul. 

 

At the end-of-season pool party for my daughter Sami’s swim team, a beautiful rainbow stretched across the sky right over the pool.  In that very moment, I knew Preston was there too, sending his own quiet applause, as if to tell his sister “Good job Sami, I love you”.  That’s what I instantly felt, and to boot, it made her smile from ear to ear.  Because I know she felt it too.  Through the years, it’s signs like this rainbow that show his presence is still close, though quiet.  A soft and gentle reminder of his being, instead of the thundering roar of a trigger sending me into a tailspin.

 

And then there’s a song.  Sami wanted me to listen to it because she went to a sleepover and fell in love with “K-Pop Demon Hunters” and in my head I was going to hate it thinking it wouldn’t be my taste, when who are we kidding here, I love pop music 😅.  I listened to it and was still resistant.  I then took her to a sing-a-long version of the movie at the Alamo, and well it grew on me.  And now, I feel like it fits perfectly for Preston, for the message of spreading happiness on his birthday coupled with his constant appearance in a rainbow.  The song’s name is Golden and here are some excerpts:

.

I’m done hidin’, now I’m shinin’

Like I’m born to be

We’re dreamin’ hard, we came so far

Now I believe

 

We’re goin’ up, up, up

It’s our moment

You know together we’re glowin’

Gonna be, gonna be golden

Oh, up, up, up

With our voices

Unbreakable forever [Translated from Korean]

Gonna be, gonna be golden

 

Oh, I’m done hidin’, now I’m shinin’

Like I’m born to be

Oh, our time, no fears, no lies

That’s who we’re born to be

 

The sign and the lyrics together hit me so deeply.  They feel like Preston’s message.  The one I’ve been trying to convey all these years.  The rainbow reminds me he’s still shining, still sending his light into the world.  And the words “I’m done hidin’, now I’m shinin’… gonna be golden” they mirror that light.  It’s as if he’s reminding me that even though his time here was short, he was born to shine, to spread joy, to be a beacon.  Each year on his birthday, when we come together to spread happiness, that light glows again.  Even if it’s just for one day, the world gets to feel Preston’s brightness.

 

So spread a little happiness on November 19th, you’ll find yourself smiling in no time. 

 

Keep on shining bright Preston, golden like at the end of a rainbow, glowing in the sky, only visible because of golden sunlight and rain – the perfect metaphor for joy and pain intertwined.

 

Happy birthday my sweet P. <3