Hope glistens in the snow

We spent a quiet New Year's day.  Brett's parents were over.  We had a nice lunch and they left in the early of the afternoon as a snow storm rolled in.  I knew there was a chance for snow, but I had no idea that we'd get close to 6 inches.  As I was feeding the cats their dinner, the snow just called out to me.  Heavy snow flakes were falling and the snow on the back porch just glistened.  Stars in the snow.  Tiny globes of hope in the purity of fresh snowfall.

It made me hopeful that 2015 may become a good year.  Living without Preston is still very difficult.  Still isn't a good word.  This grief, this emptiness will follow me forever.  You learn to cope.  You find ways to live, laugh.  You become more accepting of what you can't change.  You don't forget.  You don't get over it.  You don't move on.  There's no still when it comes to grieving someone you love so deeply.  There's only living without part of yourself for the rest of your life.  I'm not still sad that my son's gone.  I will always be sad that he's no longer with us.  I'm not still grieving.  Grief is a never-ending companion.

All that being said though, I was overcome with serenity again today as I watched large flakes flow in the wind.  That same feeling of peace I felt on Mother's Day when Preston sent a storm.  Perhaps he sent this one too... Just to say, 2015 will be better.  After all, it can only go up from 2014...

Begone 2014

2014... A year I wish I could forget except for a handful of weeks.  Don't let the door hit you on the way out.  This year was challenging, not in a god way.  This year was sad.  This year couldn't really have been worse.  I don't hold grudges.  I don't like throwing hate out there, nor do I like being negative.  But good riddance!!

Ironically though, I feel a twinge of pain seeing this year end.  My son saw 2014.  He was alive last year at this time.  Pretty soon, I won't be able to say that.  It's a scary concept.

Dear friends and family, I wish you a happy 2015.  A healthy year.  Don't underestimate health.  It's such a privilege to have.  Be happy and smile more this year - think of Preston, I hope it makes you smile.  Challenge yourself because you only live once.  Be a kinder version of yourself, especially towards you.  You deserve all the happiness in the world after all. <3

My sincere best wishes for this new year that's minutes away.