SpreadHappinessForPreston – Year 10 – 11/19/2023

A decade.  Funny that when we turn 10 and even 20, we’re quite excited for the milestone and it seems like it took forever to get there.  A decade now?  Makes me feel old.  It feels like it flew by.  Yet, there are days when my heart feels like everything just happened yesterday.  10 years ago, this is not how I anticipated preparing for Preston’s 10th birthday and at the risk of letting myself be totally vulnerable – it’s been a difficult couple of months of anticipation.  I feel like I could breakdown at any moment, with no particular trigger.

At the height of my grief, when I lost my son, I needed his life to have had meaning.  I needed to feel that as his mom, I was doing something.  Coping with losing my son to SIDS, I blogged almost daily.  Yes as an outlet, but mostly in an effort to provide solace to other bereaved parents.  I started the blog after conceptualizing turning my son’s birthday into a day where happiness could be spread around the world.  I hoped my blog could have the same effect on any other day as readers connected with my pain, confusion, anxiety, guilt, etc. 

It seemed like an unattainable goal for Preston to have an impact on the world, but I’ve always felt that if Preston and my experience could help just one person, I’d be fulfilled…and I can say that today, I do feel like I achieved my goal.  However, don’t let that fool you into thinking you won’t hear from me again next year!  Though my blog never went viral, it’s had over 70k views, with 8k in the past year despite the fact that I don’t blog anymore.  Views: 70% USA, 10% Singapore, 8% Canada, 12% - over 15 other countries.  I’d say mission accomplished; Preston has left an imprint on the world.

SpreadHappinessForPreston turns 10 this year, on Sunday 11/19/2023.  This date marks Preston’s 10th birthday.  I’ve been overwhelmed through the years by reading how others have shared happiness through touching gestures, in creative ways and with just the simplest of things.  Knowing happiness is shared with my son in mind has a soothing effect on my heart and reminds me that I can still be his mother, even when he’s in heaven.  I pray that it has been just as meaningful to anyone else who has participated over the past years and continues to be for those who have been along for the ride since the beginning.

I’ve learned in these past several years that though my initial goal was to provide support for bereaved parents, my experience applies to anyone who has experienced loss.  Grief is a journey we all eventually must learn to stumble through and I hope that even if in the smallest of ways, my story can help you feel that you are not, and never will be alone.

SpreadHappinessForPreston is a day to make the world a little happier, certainly brighter.  I hope you will consider participating in spreading happiness on Preston’s birthday.  If not in memory of Preston, simply because spreading happiness has a way of ricocheting by putting a smile on your own face.  Remember that paying it forward doesn’t need to cost a thing – just make it your mission to make someone smile on November 19th.

Wishing you a wonderful day, weekend and Thanksgiving. Sincerely,

~Cat

PS. I’d love to hear how you have shared happiness.  You can use #SpreadHappinessForPreston on social media, comment on my blog - http://spreadhappinessforpreston.blogspot.com/, you can tag me @tsunaze1 or email me – tsunaze1@gmail.com.  I’m a total nerd and Tsunaze was my World of Warcraft character name… if you were curious 😎

PSS. If you aren’t totally sick of me yet, I happened upon a post I wrote on 10/28/2015 that I just wanted to share an excerpt given everything else I wrote about above – if you’re struggling with grief right now, perhaps it can be a little glimmer of hope ♥

SpreadHappinessForPreston – Year 7

2020 has brought hardships and devastation to people around the world.  2020 is a year, we’d all like to, quite frankly erase from the calendar.  With the wild ride this year has been, and with no real relief in sight, we are all in need of more kindness and happiness.  Our lives have been flipped upside down, and we’ve had to make a series of adjustments and we are still learning to navigate this “new normal” that is ever changing as new mandates and circumstances continue to change.

SpreadHappinessForPreston turns 7 this year, on 11/19/2020 as this date marks my son Preston’s 7th birthday.  In the early days of my grief after losing our son to SIDS, I desperately needed to find meaning for his life.  I needed to feel like he mattered, however short his life was.  Since Preston radiated with happiness, SpreadHappinessForPreston was born and has been rewarding for me as a mother.  Hopefully it has also been for all those who have participated, or for the  beneficiaries of an act of kindness made in my son’s memory.

SpreadHappiness for Preston is a day to pay it forward.  A day to make the world a little brighter and happier.  I ask for your participation on November 19th, not only for Preston, but because our world is hopelessly in need of happiness.  Remember that paying it forward doesn’t need to cost a thing – just make it your mission to make someone smile that day. J

Giving someone the gift of happiness, will not only make them feel good, it will also give you the feels.  As the wise Maya Angelou once said I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.  I attest to this.  When I hear that someone has participated, or learn of their act of kindness, I remember it, and it makes me smile like no other.

Wishing you a wonderful day, and holiday season as it is upon our door already.

#SpreadHappinessForPreston

Preston <3

SpreadHappinessForPreston - Year 5

SpreadHappinessForPreston is turning 5 on November 19, 2018.  If you are unfamiliar with this event, it’s something I created 5 years ago to honor my son, Preston, who passed away (SIDS) when he was 16 weeks old.  November 19th is his birthday.

This annual event is one where I encourage people to complete acts of kindness to make this day as happy as can be around the world.  Preston’s memory has travelled all over the world reaching far-away places like South Africa, a place I don’t have any family or friends.  I have connected with a lot of people from all over the world through a blog (spreadhappinessforpreston.blogspot.com) that I wrote during my first years as a bereaved mom.  It’s amazing the connections you can make with people when grieving so heavily.

I’ve always said that Preston embodied happiness.  He always smiled and hardly ever fussed.  I still carry all his smiles with me, and they continue to brighten up my days.  For this reason, I think it’s just so fitting to try to make as many people smile as possible.

We’ve since been blessed with Preston’s baby sister, Samantha (Sami), who will be turning 3 in December.  She brings us so much happiness and is the light of our lives.  But Preston is never forgotten, and always on our minds.  I hope that you find a place for him in yours, and join SpreadHappinessForPreston as it, and Preston turns 5. 

May it bring a smile to your face as you complete an act (or acts if you are so inclined) of kindness.  Remember that making someone smile, can be as simple as giving them a hug, sharing happy memories, or letting someone go in front of you at the grocery store.

Happiness is like jam.  You can’t spread even a little without getting some on yourself. – Anonymous

Thank you in advance for your participation, it means the absolute world to me to share my son and his memory with you.  If you are so inclined to share your acts of kindness on social media, please use #SpreadHappinessForPreston …I know it’s a mouthful. :)  Or you may share them with me via email (my personal email is tsunaze1@gmail.com or on my blog’s Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/SpreadHappinessForPreston.

Have a blessed day and Thanksgiving!

Sincerely,

~Cat

Save the date - 11/19/16 - #SpreadHappinessForPreston

I found this quote last year, and it fits what I'm trying to do so appropriately, that I think I'll be sharing it every year:

Happiness is like jam.  You can't spread even a little without getting some on yourself. - Anonymous

November 19th is now dubbed #SpreadHappinessForPreston Day in my world.  It is the day that my son came into this world.  A pure, innocent and happy soul he was.  He would be turning 3 this year - I have a hard time believing this to be true.  It doesn't seem that long ago that he was still part of our physical lives.  

Preston was taken from us in March 2014 when he passed during a nap at an in-home daycare from SIDS.  While I take Preston's birthday as an opportunity to honor his life by attempting to have others spread happiness all around the world, I think it's also a great opportunity to bring awareness to SIDS which is sadly something real.  SIDS is filled with questions as no one really knows what it is, or what causes it.  There are many theories out there, but it's very difficult to determine if any of them are plausible.  I do hope and pray that one day, we can answer the question of what causes SIDS, and really what is SIDS.  In the meantime, all we can do is do everything we can to reduce the risks (a list of suggestions from various credible websites are below), as there is really no way to prevent it.  It's a frightening fact.  As the parent to an infant and as a parent who has lost a baby to SIDS, I can personally attest that it is absolutely terrifying fact.  Nonetheless, one day at a time, we get through it.

Late last year, we were blessed with the arrival of our baby girl Samantha.  I can't help but feel that Preston imprinted his happiness into this beautiful little girl.  She is all smiles, all the time.  She has brought a lot of light to our lives and we are so thankful, and grateful to have her.  

But, to get back to #SpreadHappinessForPreston - It is the third year that I am promoting this event.  Anyone and everyone is invited and encouraged to participate.  The premise is to share happiness on this day.  Since Preston radiated with happiness, it only seemed fitting that sharing this contagious feeling would be the best way to honor him.  This world can be so cruel, and I believe we can always use a little more happiness and light.  The beautiful thing is that, like the quote above says, completing an act of kindness not only makes the person on the receiving end smile, but it surely makes you smile as well.

Preston continually teaches me life lessons, an irony that I have a hard time grasping, as I should be the one doing the teaching.  Nonetheless, I don't take any of it for granted for it's made me a better person.  He's taught me how to smile every day, because he wouldn't want me to always be sad.  He's taught me how to appreciate the small things, and not to take anything for granted.  He’s shown me a new way of looking at life; perspective is everything.  He continues to slowly help me regain my faith by sending signs in the shape of rainbows and bunnies.  Often times, when I get a nervous feeling about my daughter, he'll send me some sign that she's doing alright - like in the middle of the night if she hasn't moved in a long time and I'm about to check on her, she'll suddenly make a little sound or turn to her side.  My daughter has quite the guardian angel.

November 19th, Preston's 3rd birthday, will be a day I hope brings happiness to as many people as possible - including you.  I hope it to be a day where everyone can spread a little happiness in the world. A pay it forward day, or a day filled with acts of kindness.  A day where smiles inundate the world, and happiness is just felt everywhere you go.

For the past two years, on November 19th, random acts of kindness were made all over the world to honor my little boy. I know it sounds crazy, but it somehow reached all the continents.  My little boy and his smile have traveled the world...

I'd like to share some of the acts of kindness that were done to serve as inspiration, and perhaps even to make you smile:

• Several of my wonderful coworkers bought multi-colored balloons to be released for Preston's birthday (he loved colors).
• A star was named for Preston
• Books were donated to a school in Preston's name
• Donations to charities were made (SIDS foundation of America, Children's Hospital, and several others)
• Larger than normal gratuities were given away
• A memorial stone was given to us with Preston's name and birthdate
• Teddy bears were given to underprivileged children; toys were given to charities
• Doors were open for strangers
• Treats were brought in for colleagues
• Trees were planted to honor the children another family had lost
• Flowers were given away, just because
• Every year, my husband brings pizza over to the firehouse, for the men who tried to save our son (while pregnant, Preston would move like crazy when I ate pizza)
• Diapers and wipes were donated to struggling mothers
• Lunch was bought for the person waiting next in line
• Many people gave to food banks or gave away gift cards for a warm meal
• Buy a lotto ticket for the clerk that sells them
• Samantha's daycare plans to read Preston's favorite book to all the kids that attend the daycare on November 18th, since November 19th is a Saturday this year
• Breakfast was made for a spouse that was running late
• Popcorn & cash were taped to RedBox machines for people to enjoy a free movie and treat

And those are just some of the acts of kindness that were shared with me in the past couple years.  As illustrated above, remember that money isn't necessary to spread happiness:

• Hugs
• Smiles
• Saying things like "I love you" and "I appreciate you" to loved ones
• Share your favorite funny video or picture
• Cook your child's, or spouse's favorite meal
• Ask someone "How are you - really?" and listen
• Share happy memories or stories
• Think of someone you haven't thought of in a long time, and send them a text - letting them know you thought of them, and it made you smile
• Volunteer to help someone or an organization
• Pack a lunch and give it to someone in need
• Give blood
• Let people go in front of you while in line
• Donate unused clothes, toys

Please keep in mind that if you do make a donation, it does not have to be in Preston's name.  Make the donation in the name of someone that means a lot to you, or to someone close to you.  Make the donation to a charity that means a lot to you.  While Preston is the driving force behind this event, the point is to spread happiness around the world - the more people it touches, the more proud of my son I am.  He is creating this happiness.  Without him, this special day would not exist.

At the risk of repeating myself, much like the quote I shared at the top of this message, the added bonus of spreading happiness is that it has the contagious effect of putting a smile on your own face.  Much like Preston's smile was contagious, and continues to be thanks to the fabulous invention of photography.

The world can be such a dark place.  I hope that Preston's birthday, this year, and for all the years to come, makes it a brighter world, even if only for one day a year.  One person at a time, one act of kindness after another.

I invite you to share your random acts of kindness on social media using #SpreadHappinessForPreston.  You can also share through email (tsunaze1@gmail.com) or on my blog's Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/SpreadHappinessForPreston

I hope that you plan to join me and that #SpreadHappinessForPreston makes you smile.  I have cards that can be handed out when you do pay it forward.  If you are interested, I'd be more than happy to send you one (or more - spreading happiness does not have to end with one person, one act).  Simply email me for more details.  If it's not too much to ask, please share this with your friends and family.  The more people spreading happiness, the happier the day will be.

You have my sincerest gratitude for considering participating and sharing this event.  It's my hope that not only you will make someone smile, but that in the end, it also makes you smile.

Have a blessed day,

~Cat

More information on SIDS and SIDS prevention

Reduce the Risk | American Sudden Infant Death Syndrome Institute

To reduce the risks of SIDS, it is recommended that you put your baby to sleep on his/her back in a crib or bassinet with no loose sheets, a firm mattress, and no toys or bumper pads.  Do not expose your baby to second hand smoke.  Having the baby sleep in your room, but not in your bed has also shown to help reduce the risks.  Breastfeed as long as possible, and consider giving a pacifier to your baby while they sleep.  Prevent your baby from overheating by ensure a comfortable room temperature (68 - 72 degrees Fahrenheit) and do not overdress them.  

Happiness is...

Preston's birthday has come and gone.  I have a hard time grasping the fact that he'd be a two year old toddler running wildly around the house.

Preston's birthday was a wonderful day.  The morning started a little emotionally, but as the day went on, it was happier and happier.  So many people participated in #SpreadHappinessForPreston.  Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.  Thank you for allowing our son into your lives, into your hearts.  Thank you for letting him be the reason you smiled, and helped others smile.

So many acts of kindness occurred.  I'd like to share those that I know of:

• Cynthia smiles at everyone she saw on November 19th.  Additionally, she let someone go ahead of her at the gas station.  She donated to a food drive.  She also shared with me that on the radio that morning, they talked about random acts of kindness.  Coincidence?  This led me to learn a new quote: "Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous" - Albert Einstein.  Signs are everywhere.  They really are. Thank you bella.
• Trina spread some joy in Maryland. Thanks Trina!
• Lynette played "elf" to struggling mothers in need of diapers and wipes.  She does this every year in memory of her grandson Barrett.  She gives a letter to the recipients to explain why she does it, and she was so gracious to add Preston's name to the letter this year.  Thank you Lynette.  I'm so touched that you included Preston.  I can just see Barrett and Preston looking down on you with huge smiles.
• Dana brought dessert for the person behind her at the drive-through.  How sweet! Thank you Dana.
• Carol donated to the Calgary Food Bank.  She also bought 10 Tim Horton's gift cards to give away to people who were in need of a hot meal. So generous Carol.  Thank you for your generosity.  Not only helping people, but bringing smiles at the same time.
• Jocelyn and Burnell spent the day visiting local charities to make donations.  They gave away coffee and filled baskets with food for those in need.  Additionally, my lovely aunt shared a nice quote that made me smile: "Tell someone you love them today.  Tomorrow is not promised.  To my family and friends - I love you".  I love you aunt Jocelyn. xxx
• Natalie gave out gift cards to Tim Horton's and donated to a food bank.  She also shared Preston's message so that more people could spread happiness in his name. Thank you Natalie <3
• Lori bought a lotto ticket and proceeded to give it to the clerk who sold it to her.  That's so sweet.  She also packed groceries for a food bank, drove some coworkers home so that they could avoid waiting in the rain, get a break from public transportation and also donated to the Children's Wish Foundation.  So incredibly generous and thoughtful. Thank you Lori!
• Lisa donated to pencils for progress which helps build schools in Africa.  My son's soul and smiles are travelling all around the world.  I'm so moved by this.  Thank you so much Lisa!
• Paula and her 4 year old did a large grocery and donated it to a food bank.  Thank you for donating your time and money.  It's so special to see that my son's legacy is not only creating smiles, but helping people in need. Thank you!
• Alicia and James donated books to their daughter's school library and brought Tim Horton's to their other daughter's preschool.  They gave coffee to strangers, donated toys to charity and have helped spread Preston's message like no other.  So many people participated because of these 2. Thank you guys.  xxxx
• Vicki donated to a local food bank and donated 2 new toys to a local charity.  I like that.  Maybe I'll have to do that next year, donate 3 toys for Preston's 3rd birthday, and so on each year.  Thank you for your generosity and wonderful idea!
• Meghann made to-go breakfast for her husband who was running behind on the day.  She spread a lot of love in Washington and encouraged positivity.  Thank you lovely <3
• Jamie bought a lady who was celebrating her 50th birthday a drink from Preston.  How sweet and thoughtful.  Thank you for participating and sharing Preston's message again this year. <3
• Brittani sent flowers to someone special.. and from what I saw on Facebook later on, those flowers totally made your friend's day.  How super sweet <3.  Thank you Brittani!
• Andrea shared Preston's message. Thank you!
• Dayna bought lunch and a cupcake for a 7 month pregnant homeless girl.  Such a thoughtful act of kindness.  Dayna, I was so touched. xxx
• Kimm sent me some onesies, pyjamas and bibs for Samantha.  She also sent me month stickers to take pictures of my little girl as she gets older.  She also sent me homemade cards which are so beautiful.  Thank you Kimm.  It was so unnecessary, but know that I am incredibly moved. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
• Jessica donated another bear to the "Dolls for Daughters" toy shop in Preston's honor.
• Lisa spread happiness in Hawaii. Mahalo Lisa! <3
• Liz in Maine brought bagels for the teachers and staff at her daughter's school.  She and her daughter also gave gift cards for coffee to the secretaries at the school.  They sent flowers to her godmother, paid for someone at the drive-through and donated to a children's charity.  I'm so touched Liz.  So incredibly touched.  And the letter that your daughter wrote and included with the donations.. so moving: "This is for my aunt's friends son who died.  Hope it makes you smile #SpreadHappinessForPreston".  Thank you Liz and Audrey!!
• My cousin Marie sent me a coat for Samantha from France where she currently resides.  I don't know that she could have planned for us to receive the precious little coat on Preston's birthday, but we did.  It made us smile.  Merci Marie, Harold et Augustin. xxxx
• One of my neighbor's, who is also pregnant due March 24th I believe, gave us some beautiful white roses.  I'm so touched that she remembered Preston's birthday.  Last year I sent letters around my neighborhood, but I didn't do it this year.  I thought about it, but just didn't have the energy :(.  Thank you so much for the thoughtful gift, gesture and again for remembering our son.
• My parents donated to the SIDS Foundation in Canada.
• My husband brought pizza over to the fire station by our house.  This is the station of the men who gave their all to try and save our son.  We are eternally grateful to these men.  I was so touched that one of them wrote to me on my blog.  One of these men, also lost a son, and shared that he also has a blog: ourlittlehippie.com which shares the story of his son Liam.  I've read several passages and feel like it might be a great resource for me given that they did have a child after losing their son. Thank you for sharing.  And thank you to you and your crew, for all that you do for the community. <3
• Charlene spread happiness on Preston's birthday. Thank you Charlene!
• Brittney taped some popcorn and money to redboxes for movie rentals.  And she also left something nice for the UPS driver.  Thank you Britt! That was super sweet of you! xxx
• Bill donated to a food bank.
• Dayle spread happiness. Thanks Dayle! <3
• Debby spread happiness too! Thank you Debby!
• Kip donated to the Angel Eyes foundation in Preston's name. Thank you Kip! I'm so touched!
• Lisa spread happiness! Thank you Lisa!
• Nan spread happiness in Wyoming! Thanks Nan!!
• Wanda spread a lot of happiness in Colorado. Thank you Wanda <3
• Jocelyn treated a friend to lunch and left a 400% tip for the waitress. How touching!
• Kay spread happiness! Thank you Kay! <3
• Katherine spread some happiness in Idaho.  Thank you so much!
• I gave to a food bank and also donated some Starbucks gift cards.  

Last but not least, this story brought tears to my eyes and I really wanted to share it.  It's from Justine, who also lost a baby:

On Preston's birthday, Justine was thinking of Preston and me.  She and her husband were at Walmart and saw a little boy who grabbed their attention.  He was looking through the holes of the egg boxes which were stacked to the ceiling with new eggs waiting to be unpacked.  She could tell that he had special needs.  Both her and her husband are nurses and love kids and have many little friends with special needs.  They were walking behind this little boy and his father and he turned around and gave them this great big smile.  Her husband approached the dad to see if they could give the boy a dollar to buy some candy.  They found out that Jeremiah (the little boy) has microcephaly (incomplete brain development) and collects dollars in a scrapbook with people's signatures on them.  And they wanted to give him a dollar before finding this out!  Justine's husband and Jeremiah's dad talked for a good 30 minutes.  Justine went on to tell me that it seems that dads are often overlooked when it comes to losing a baby and grief.  They probably feel more alone than us mothers.  I have to agree with her, I think there appears to be less resources for men, and it might just be because society has the expectation that they should be strong no matter what.  Justine says "they are programmed to be strong and they are there for us.  No one talks about this and they ask them about us" (how are we, the mom doing).  Jeremiah's dad shared with her husband that it was hard to deal with Jeremiah's diagnosis, but that they had gone through something harder.  He and his wife had just lost a baby in July and "you aren't supposed to talk about it".  Her husband went on to share that they too had lost a baby in August.  They talked about loss and Jeremiah's dad said that God had sent them because he didn't have anyone who understood.  

Justine shared with me that it was God working through me and Preston, keeping their eyes open on Preston's birthday, for a chance to share some happiness.  "It was just like jam... it got on us all".

Justine, this story touched me to my very core.  God works in mysterious ways.  Coincidences? Not so much.  Signs that our babies are waiting for us to make it to the kingdom of Heaven one day.

To everyone who spread happiness on Preston's birthday, no matter how you did so - thank you.  Thank you for keeping a special place for Preston in your heart, in your life.  Thank you for allowing his legacy, his smile live on.  I hope that this was an experience that not only made someone else smile, helped someone else, but that it also made you smile.

This and that...

Where does the time go.  Every time I want to sit down and write, something comes up or it's time for bed!  Tonight, while every inch of me wants to just sit and watch General Hospital where interesting things are happening (yay November sweeps!), I am taking the time to write.  For myself, for Preston, and for anyone who might get something out of this.

The Nursery

Samantha's room has been coming along nicely.  The wall painting is complete and I love the way the light lilac color looks next to the baby blue wall.  I'm even more excited that hubby ended up liking the lighter lilac color like I did... mostly because of it's name -- Guardian Angel.  Doesn't that seem so appropriate?  We moved the crib from the left side of the room to the right side of the room just to give it a different feel.  I'm starting to look forward to spending a lot of time in there.  The door to her and Preston's room has been open for weeks now, and it feels nice.  It feels like a happy room again.

The one disappointment has been that the decal stars and moon aren't sticking to the wall very well.  We even tried to get them to adhere to the wall better using a hot iron.  Time to get some spray adhesive me thinks...

Approaching 34-35 weeks

We believe Preston was born at about 35 weeks, if not 34 weeks, despite what the doctors say.  I will be 34 weeks along with Samantha tomorrow.  That realization has been weighing on my mind for the past couple weeks.  I try to remain calm as everything seems to be going well, however it's still scary.  The sight of possible swelling freaks me out.  Hearing someone tell me that there was "no way" I was making it all the way to December 24th, sent me for a tailspin.  What not to say to a grieving mama, to a mama who had preeclampsia and who had a baby too early?  That.  That is a great example of what not to say.

I have an appointment with my OB this Friday, so I hope that will help calm my nerves.  I'm not panicking or anything, but it's constantly at the back of my mind.  I try to remain positive.  Really, I just want things to be okay and normal.  For once.

Preston's birthday and #SpreadHappinessForPreston

I can't believe my baby would be 2 years old in just about a week.  I feel like I haven't pushed #SpreadHappinessForPreston enough this year.  Last year, I wrote to the Ellen show.  Last year, I physically mailed a letter to everyone that lives on my street, it's tributary streets and the street across from the greenbelt behind our house.  I didn't do it this year, even though I had the intention to.

I thought of writing to the local newspaper to share my story, Preston's story, his smile and his message.  

In my heart, I've hoped that #SpreadHappinessForPreston becomes bigger every year.  I don't know that it will be and I only have myself to blame.  I hope mama didn't disappoint you baby boy.

Signs

Signs from Preston aren't as frequent as they once were.  I see the occasional bunny.  Rainbows are rare.  I was on the train last week.  Upset due to the fact that someone thought I wouldn't make it to Christmas Eve.  I've gained about 20-25 lbs.  I'm not huge by any means, so I'm not sure why this was said to me (not that I have any qualms about my weight or anything).

Well I turned on Pandora and accidentally hit the "Shuffle" bar and there it was... Iris.  I just about cried... and I did feel better and smiled

I tell you, signs exist.

Halloween

For the second year in a row, I didn't quite know what to expect with this holiday.  I'd been looking forward to it so much last year, wanting to see my little boy as a cute lion.  I expected a lot more children to stop by on Halloween since it was a weekend day.  Maybe a total of 45 kids stopped by, most of them in droves of about 10.  I feel like I hardly had a chance to see their costumes.  My favorite?  I can't even remember.

Brett and I thought of Preston that evening.  We wondered what costume we might have put him in this year.  I think we landed on a bear cub.  Seems fitting given that was the theme of his nursery was teddy bears.

I was able to capture a beautiful sunset before the children started ringing the doorbell.  Golden clouds above barren trees.  The calm and cool air felt peaceful and made me feel close to my son.

The zoo

The weekend before Halloween, we went to the zoo with our close friends and their two children.  It's something I'd wanted to do with Preston at some point, especially knowing his love for big cats.  He seemed so enthralled as he watched them on TV in the morning with his dad.

It was packed at the zoo.  I guess it was a special day where you could bring your child in costume and they could trick or treat in the zoo.  Cool concept.  I enjoyed watching our friends' two year old marvel at some of the animals.  And while I struggled seeing some of the animals I think would have interested Preston, I feel like he followed us there and spent the way with us.  On the way home, we stopped at BabiesRUs and bought a bunch of clothes for Samantha, as well as decorations for her room.  It was a nice family day.

On a side note, if you haven't gotten a chance to go to the Denver Zoo lately, I strongly recommend going while the Lego exhibits are still scattered around the zoo.  They are stunning sculptures.  I believe this is a travelling exhibit, so if you aren't in Denver, hopefully it comes to a zoo near you! ;)

That's about all that's going on with me.  I hope that everyone who reads this is well.  Sending you lots of love, courage, and smiles.  Until next time <3

#SpreadHappinessForPreston - Year 2

Happiness is like jam.  You can't spread even a little without getting some on yourself. - Anonymous

2 months from today, my son Preston should have been turning two.  After he passed away from SIDS last year, I wanted to find a way to honor his life, and share all the happiness he showed me in his 16 weeks.  This is how I came up with #SpreadHappinessForPreston.  He radiated happiness, it seemed natural that sharing this contagious feeling would be the best way to pay tribute to this little guy who changed my life.

It's now been over a year and a half since I lost him, and he continues to teach me life lessons, even though the roles should be reversed.  He's taught me how to smile every day, because he wouldn't want me to always be sad.  He taught me how to appreciate the small things by opening my eyes.  Perspective has a lot to do with it.  He slyly has found a way to slowly help me regain my faith by sending signs in the shape of rainbows and bunnies.  And also, by reassuring me that his little sister, who we should meet in about 3 months, is doing well.  Anytime I get too nervous because I haven't felt a kick in a while, I think of him and little kicks are felt to bring me much needed comfort.  My daughter has quite the guardian angel.

November 19th, Preston's birthday, will be a day I hope brings happiness to as many people as possible.  I plan to promote it every year.  A day where everyone can spread a little happiness in the world.  A pay it forward day if you will.  A day where smiles inundate the world, and happiness is just felt everywhere you go.

The first SpreadHappinessForPreston day, 11/19/2014, was rather successful.  Random acts of kindness were made all over the world to honor my little boy.

• Several of my wonderful coworkers bought multi-colored balloons to be released for Preston's birthday (he loved colors).
• A star was named for Preston
• Books were donated to a school in Preston's name
• Donations to charities were made (SIDS foundation of America, Children's Hospital, and several others)
• Larger than normal gratuities were given away
• A memorial stone was given to us with Preston's name and birthdate
• Teddy bears were given to underprivileged children
• Doors were open for strangers
• Treats were brought in for colleagues
• Trees were planted to honor the children another family had lost
• Flowers were given away, just because
• My husband brought pizza over to the firehouse, for the men who tried to save our son
• We received a rainbow catcher, and too many other gifts.  

Those are just some of the acts of kindness that were shared with me.  Remember that money isn't necessary to spread happiness. 

• Hugs
• Smiles
• Saying things like "I love you" and "I appreciate you" to loved ones
• Share your favorite funny video or picture
• Cook your child's, or spouse's favorite meal
• Ask someone "How are you - really?" and listen
• Share happy memories or stories
• Think of someone you haven't thought of in a long time, and send them a text - letting them know you thought of them, and it made  you smile
• Volunteer to help someone or an organization
• Pack a lunch and give it to someone in need
• Give blood
• Let people go in front of you while in line
• Donate unused clothes, toys

Please keep in mind that if you do make a donation, it does not have to be in Preston's name.  Make the donation in the name of someone that means a lot to you, or to someone close to you.  Make the donation to a charity that means a lot to you.  While Preston is the driving force behind this event, the point is to spread happiness around the world - the more people it touches, the more proud of my son I am.  He is creating this happiness.  Without him, this special day would not exist.

Much like the quote I shared at the top of this message, the added bonus of spreading happiness is that it has the contagious effect of putting a smile on your own face.  Much like Preston's smile was contagious, and continues to be thanks to the fabulous invention of photography.

The world can be such a dark place.  I hope that Preston's birthday, this year, and for all the years to come, makes it a brighter place, if only for one day a year.  One person at a time, one act of kindness after  the another.

I invite you to share your random acts of kindness on social media using #SpreadHappinessForPreston.  You can also share through email (tsunaze1@gmail.com) or on my blog's Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/SpreadHappinessForPreston

I hope that you plan to join me and that #SpreadHappinessForPreston makes you smile.  I have cards that can be handed out when you do pay it forward.  If you are interested, I'd be more than happy to send you one (or more - spreading happiness does not have to end with one person, one act).  Simply email me for more details.

If it's not too much to ask, please share this with your friends and family.  The more people spreading happiness, the happier the day will be.

You have my sincerest gratitude for considering participating and sharing this event.  It's my hope that not only you will make someone smile, but that in the end, it also makes you smile.

Have a blessed day,

~Cat

Endless year, quick year

I attended our support group tonight.  Two of the couples who also attended, are days away from the one year mark of the loss of their precious children - Ryder and Salem.  Since the holidays have passed, Preston's angelversary has certainly been on my mind.  I mentioned something tonight that everyone seemed to agree with - it's been the shortest and longest year of my life.  Time is relative - you've probably read this statement within my blog maybe times.

It's been the shortest year because it seems like a bad dream that Preston is gone.  It feels like losing him just happened.  And it did - 10 months ago.  It feels like the longest year because at the same time, it feels like a decade ago that I held my baby.

When I came home, I did something I seldom do - I opened the door to Preston's room and walked in.  I stroked the mattress in his crib where he used to lay.  I looked in the mini bassinet that we stored in the crib after he passed - when we needed to hideaway all his things.  We continue to have that need.  It was filled with some toys, onesies, binkies and right on top - his social security card.  Remember how I'd been looking for it? Funny how things turn up.  It gave me hope, even if only for a fleeting moment.

I was sad after stepping into his room, looking through a few things, reminiscing about the nights I spent in this nursery, rocking my little guy to sleep.  I was sad thinking about the upcoming days for my friends Abi and Ryan, Brittani & Skyler.  Milestones should be happy, but for the bereaved parent, they are something you dread.  They hurt.  They are reminders of what isn't.  What we are missing.  What should be.  I myself wish I could permanently erase March 13th from the calendar.  

Will you think of my friends for the next week or so?  Send them positive energy, keep them in your prayers, close to your heart.  I know it sounds absurd to a lot of people, but the power of positive energy is mightier than you think.  I often feel like I'm able to get up every morning because of all the support I have.  Because of all the positive energy everyone sends my way.  Because I'm in your prayers.  So, I do believe it makes a difference.  If you are so inclined, I'd even encourage you to do a random act of kindness for Ryder and Salem.  Keep their memory alive.

In closing, I want to share what a friend and her husband did on Preston's birthday to spread happiness.  I have so many to share, and tonight felt appropriate to share this one.  That moment of hope I felt earlier, being in Preston's room, missing him, remembering brought this on.

Teddy bears were Preston's theme, as I've shared before.  He was to be a Cubs fan, so teddy bears only made sense.  Jess and her husband Brendan donated Tucker, a teddy bear, to the Toy Shop for Dolls for Daughters.  Tucker was given a #SpreadHappinessForPreston card and the child who receives Tucker, will learn all about Preston.  I was so touched when I read Jess' card, about this gesture, and donation.  It tugged at all the strings of my heart - in a good way.  The teddy bear, making a child smile by receiving said teddy bear, and sharing Preston with another person.  What more could a mom want?  Thank you guys.  Thank you for sharing my son's story, his life, his smile.  Thank you for your wishes for peace on Preston's birthday and every other day.  Really, truly it makes such a difference in my life.  You make such an impact, and I don't think I could ever repay you. <3

Riding the waves of change

It is hard to lead a life where change doesn't exist - warranted or not.  We can live our lives with consistency and routine, but change is unavoidable.  Things become obsolete.  People come into our lives, while others leave - not necessarily through death, but sometimes.  The latest and greatest invention comes into our lives.  Unpredictable weather causes changes in plans.

Change can be scary.  A lot of people try to avoid it as to remain in the comfort of what they know, what they understand, what they want.  Sometimes change is necessary such as leading a healthier lifestyle for health purposes.  I've been there.

Change can be difficult.  Adapting to a life without Preston is oh so challenging.  I often find myself staring at babies at the store, wondering if that's how my son would be acting now.  Hopefully I don't look like a crazed maniac that's enthralled with another person's child.  I just get mesmerized, into the what should have been, instead of what is.  I didn't choose this path.  I didn't have a choice to deal with this tremendous wave that crashed into my life.

With a new year comes the ever popular resolutions we try to adopt every year.  The changes we try to make, which I think are a good thing.  Remember, control what you can in life.  That makes it easier to cope and deal with the unpredictable changes that occur throughout your life.  Last year, I wanted to try a new recipe every week.  As with most people, I succeeded for a short period of time, and then it went out the window.  It was rather ambitious, but I was on maternity leave when I made the resolution and had more time on my hands, even with a newborn.

One tough year later, my resolutions will be a little less bold for 2015.

1. Use my crock-pot/slow cooker once a month
2. Continue losing weight and maintain it once I reach a decent goal
3. Exercise more - start slow - use the exercise bike every day after work
4. Continue with my blog and try to make #SpreadHappinessForPreston even more successful on 11/19/15
5. Take one class of some kind - cooking, artsy, accounting, photography
6. Keep a better house
7. Plant seeds in Preston's garden earlier (right after Mother's Day)
8. Take more pictures
9. Reach out to one person every month who seems to be struggling - someone I know or a stranger
10. Honor my son, by smiling more

Ten resolutions probably sounds like a lot but I think it gives me flexibility.  If I happen to fail with one, I'll have the satisfaction of having followed several.

I vow to ride these waves of change, by welcoming some into my life.  After all, without change, we'd have no beautiful, colorful butterflies.

What are your resolutions for 2015?

A special little place in Alberta

I did a rush job on this picture.  I needed a bookshelf but didn't want to wake up my husband, so this will have to do for today.  Tonight, I wanted to share how my cousin Alicia and her husband James #SpreadHappinessForPreston.

The passing of a child is something which creates very strong emotions.  Hearing about it can make just about anyone react with feelings of sorrow and agony.  For parents, I imagine that is very true. Like most, my cousin was not immune to the news of Preston's passing.  She is family after all, and even though she never met my little guy, she messaged me often; still does.  I appreciate that a lot.  Gone are the days where we would spend time playing games, giggling in the background as our parents enjoyed a special meal together.  Thanksgiving, Christmas or New Years.  Those were probably our annual get together's with the added summer vacation here and there.  Alicia moved away to Alberta, and several years later, I followed suit by moving away from our families.  Quite honestly, I think I live closer to her now than I live to the rest of my family, yet neither of us have had the opportunity to visit the other.  We'll have to rectify that situation at some point.

When I started talking about #SpreadHappinessForPreston, she was one of the first who told me would participate.  She helped me spread the word about Preston's birthday.  All this was so very sympathetic and I appreciate it so, so much.  Alicia's daughter attends elementary school, and this school was damaged by a flood last summer.  Particularly, the library sustained a lot of damage and had to dispose of too many books.  Alicia and her husband requested a list of high demand books and donated them to the school library on Preston's birthday.  An inscription was added into each book to honor my son: #SpreadHappinessForPreston.  A wonderful lady, the librarian, who'm I have never met, will be placing a name plate, with Preston's name somewhere in the library, where these books will be displayed and available to be borrowed.  This lovely woman, was touched by Preston's story, and will be explaining the meaning of #SpreadHappinessForPreston to anyone who asks as my son, will be making his way around multitudes of homes, as children, year in and year out, check out these books from the library.

I didn't know this story until just a little while ago.  Reading everything that my cousin wrote me, moved me so much.  This is a story which makes me happy, and that I hope will bring a smile to your face.  The gratitude I have for my cousin, for her husband, for the librarian, and for all others that have been spreading happiness, creating smiles, all in the name of my son.. I don't have words for it.  It's an overwhelming feeling.  I look forward to sharing in detail, all the happiness that my son is infusing into the world, one person at a time.

I am always happy to hear how anyone, everyone, has spread happiness for Preston.  Your kindness, your participation, makes me feel like one special mama.  And yes, my son isn't here to be seen, but I am forever his mother, and damn proud of it!

Your first birthday

Dear Preston,

A year ago today, you came into this world.  For 16 weeks, you brought me more happiness than I'd ever experienced.  I wish with all my heart that you were still here, but life had other plans for our family.  Today, your life was celebrated and honored.  I want to tell you, that I'm so incredibly proud of you.  You have touched so many lives.  So many people love you, even without ever having met you.

I'd been dreading this day for a while now.  I thought I'd be upset all day, dwelling on the fact that you don't get a first birthday on this Earth.  No birthday cakes.  No presents.  No happy squeals.  The day started off rather emotionally, but not as bad as anticipated.  I wore my "Preston boots" for the first time.  It felt appropriate.  They are so cute to boot. Ha! Unintended pun.

I left 2 gift cards on the windshield of the cars parked next to mine at the Lincoln station park & ride and then headed to the train.  On the way to work, I saw several messages from friends and family, saying nice things and sharing how they spread happiness today, to honor you.  The first thing I saw, was a friend who did a manicure to honor Preston. You can view it here: http://instagram.com/p/vlOOMOtBRS/

Soon after, I read about what one of my friends who bought "Timbits" (donut holes from Tim Hortons) for her son and daughter's teachers.  She also let someone go ahead of her at checkout at the grocery store.  I knew one lady who was bringing donuts for her co-workers.  I got so many hugs today.  Never underestimate the power of a hug.  Des gave out goodies to everyone in our department, with a #SpreadHappinessForPreston tag on each.  So sweet, generous and moving.  Thank you Des.

Around 9:30, I got a beautiful email from Tina.  She and some other girls I work with, had bought balloons to release, and were inviting me to join, if I was up for it.  I'd wanted to do something like this myself, but just didn't have the strength to go buy balloons.  I met them in the lobby at 10:15, and we walked a block away.  Each of us, got one of the multicolored balloon, and we released them into the sky wishing Preston a happy first birthday.  That is what is pictured above.  Thank you Tina, Carolyn, Brianna, Dana, Nancy, Debbie, Charlene, Jess, Lisa and Jocelyn for being part of this most touching moment.  When I got back to my desk after the having watched the balloons soar into the sky, my day had just been turned around.  I no longer felt the sadness of your loss.  Instead, I was happy to celebrate your life.

Today, the world honored your life.  They honored your in so many ways.  Kip sent a donation in your name to Angel Eyes.  Tiffany made a donation to Project Night Night.  Lisa made a donation to the American SIDS Institute.  Ajay asked her daughter to be extra nice today: "open doors for others, lend pencils and paper when needed, tell the teacher how pretty she is today, and to be there for her fellow students in any way possible, if needed".  Her daughter is 10, and wanted to know why her mom was asking her to do all this today.  She told her Preston's story and her daughter then looked to the sky and said "happy birthday you sweet lil angel! I don't know you yet, but I love you!".  How sweet.  Ajay, you have a really sweet daughter.  Ajay spent the day cleaning other people's messes, complimenting others (even if they were rude), helped her daughter get ready for the day.  She gave more hugs to others than she has ever done in her life.  She planned to spend the evening in a retirement home to spend time with the lonely.  Ajay, your daughter's card to Preston was beautiful.  Please thank her for me and give her a big hug.

Another mom paid for other people's parking for the day.  Krystal is having a tree planted in the Superior National Forest for little Ava P., Jack, Claire, Ava T and a little baby boy who never got to be named.  What a sweet gesture.  She's also offered to have one planted for Preston's honor.  You are a sweetie Krystal.  I'm so moved.  Irene, attached a card to some McDonald's gift cards, and handed them out to homeless persons.

Katie also donated to the Ameican SIDS Institute. Thank you Katie.  A mom from BBC, emptied her wallet and donated to a food drive.  Acts of Kindness were done in Baltimore by Jon.  My friend paid for another girl's lunch today.  I left a $20.00 tip for our $25.00 lunch.  So many others told me they were participating.  I don't know what they did, but I just know, that it was a successful day.

Additionally to all this, a lot of happiness was sent our way.  I received flowers from Sereena and Kim.  A lovely single red rose from Charlene.  Lisa had a star named for Preston.  How incredibly original and dreamy.  I am moved beyond words.  Brendan and Jess, donated several bears to unprivileged children.  They will all wear a #SpreadHappinessForPreston card.  Thank you! That is so, so touching.  Jocelyn and Barry gave us a rainbow catcher to hang in a window.  My co-workers from Financial Services bought us a memorial stone with your name on it, and your birthday.  It's a terracotta stone with mosaics on it.  So beautiful.  I am speechless at all these acts of kindness.  Just a few minutes ago, we received flowers from neighbors on our street.

Finally, Meme and Grandpa in Montreal, released 8 large balloons containing your #SpreadHappinessForPreston cards.  Who knows where they will land?  I hope they make it far, and bring a smile to many strangers.  My aunt Jocelyn and uncle Burnell, donated to various charities.  Brett, my loving husband and your dad, brought pizzas over to the firehouse.  The firemen remembered you, they were the first responders.  I think it's a testament to how special you are, that they remember you.

Prestson, I'm wishing you a happy birthday.  I don't throw the word happy around easily.  I didn't think I'd want to associate happy with your birthday, but if today taught me anything, it's that you've made the world a better place, even if you were only here for 16 weeks.  You created so much happiness today.  You made me realize just how much of an impact your life has made on others, people that held you, loved you, others who never got the chance to meet you, and others that didn't know you existed until you were gone.  I hope that Liz was right, and that you are celebrating your birthday on a cloud.  I hope cake is as delicious in Heaven as it is on Earth.  I hope that you had a nice day, and were spoiled.  I know I would have spoiled you if you were here.  What else is a mama to do? ;)

Thank you to everyone who has participated.  I invite you to continue to share how you have spread happiness today.  And, I hope you will participate again, next year, and every subsequent year.  The world could really use more smiles