Capture Your Grief 2015 - Intention

Ah intention.  I have so many good intentions, but it's difficult to accomplish all of them.  Is that just me?

There is one area where I'm particularly proud of following through with my intentions.  That area is this blog.  I first started it because I wanted to find a way to honor my son, and share him with the world.

I wanted to be able to spread happiness around the world through my words, like Preston did for me throughout his short life.

I wanted to have a platform to promote #SpreadHappinessForPreston day - where the world pays it forward to make it a really happy day. A special day.  His birthday, November 19, year after year, even if he's not with us to celebrate it.

I wanted to share my experiences, and thoughts in hopes of touching someone, if only one person.  To help them with their grief.

I think it has turned into so much more.  It helped me verbalize all my thoughts, many of which haunted me and kept me up all night long.  It helped me forge friendships and deep bonds which I would have never made if not for my blog.  It made me realize that I could touch more than just a community of grieving parents - but also anyone dealing with the loss of a loved one, or even people who are going through hardships not necessarily related to grief.

And so, my blog is not only an outlet for me, but it's a resource that I hope is helpful to many others.  Having over 40,000 pageviews, I would really hope so anyway!!

So, I guess, my intention for October's Capture Your Grief project, is this:

• Make more of an effort with my blog, even after October comes to an end.
• Continue sharing my thoughts and experiences, even when they are painful to write or read.  Even if my opinions are unpopular or disapproved of.
• Continue sharing my story, Preston's story, his smiles and the lessons he's taught me in life and death.
• Continue promoting #SpreadHappinessForPreston in hopes of it one day, creating the happiest day in the world.
• Continue trying to appreciate all the small things in life.
• Find a way to continue to honor Preston, while not overwhelming my daughter to be with a sense of loss and/or fear.
• I hope to find new ways to help others with their healing journey.

All my good intentions are there, and I really do intend to follow through.

#CaptureYourGrief - Day 30: Intention

I've decided to skip days 27-29 of the #CaptureYourGrief project.  Day 27 (Express) was a day where we were to share whatever we wanted.  Day 28 (Wisdom) was a day to share what you've learned.  Day 29 (Reflect) was a day to look back at October.  Throughout my blog, I often say whatever I want, talk about whatever subject has affected me that day.  I often share my experiences, what I've learned, how I feel.  And, I often reflect on my healing journey in my posts.  For that reason, I thought it would be nice to catch up and be on track for the final 2 days.

Day 30 is entitled Intention.  I'm to attempt to set an objective which will help me with my grief and healing.  Since Preston's passing, I believe I have set put certain goals into place.  I intend to continue with my group meetings for as long as I need, and maybe longer, to help others through this difficult journey.  I write a blog entry as often as possible, to help with my healing, and the healing of others.  I try to live my life without planning too far in advance, which I think gives me a greater appreciation for life.  I try even harder to be kind to others, to not judge, because you never know who might be having the worse day of their life.

And, for Preston's birthday, I'm trying to create a movement which will create a wave of smiles around the world.  A day where people demonstrate the kindness that lives within them.  A day where maybe, just maybe, we can realize that we don't have to live in pain, sadness and horror.  A day where my son can be honored, for the precious life that he had.  The happiness that radiated from him, I hope can radiate throughout the world.

And so, my new intention, more of the same.  Write, share, be kind.  I think, that's all I can expect myself to do for now.

Pictured above - Preston's newest bears.  The pink ribbon bear is from my parents, and I purchased the I <3 NY bear during our recent vacation.  It's a bizarre thing to buy things for someone who isn't living, but I just can't help it.  He'll be my baby forever, and every now and then, mama's got to buy a bear for her baby.